


Between the Lines

by haldoor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Break Up, Coming Out, F/M, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4609170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> Set somewhere mid-Season Three, when Steve and Cath are both working at Five-0; I have given Cath a history in Portland, Oregon that I cannot claim to have taken from the show – I know nothing of her history or her family, so this is my own invention<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I have never claimed ownership and I still don't; no money exchanges hands<br/><b>Beta:</b> the always supportive and helpful <b>siluria</b>; thanks, babe!<br/><b>Summary:</b> Steve and Cath are spending Thanksgiving with her family in Portland; Steve meets someone related to Cath that he never imagined being attracted to</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a long time coming – I can't even remember when I started it now. All up it's around 24K, and it is complete.
> 
> Danny and the other members of Five-0 show up later in the story.

He's beautiful. 

Steve hasn't ever considered he'd be thinking that about another man, but it's the only way to describe him. All these years of being with Catherine, and how comfortable they are with each other, the last thing he expects is to find someone else – a man, at that – more attractive than he finds her.

And it being her _cousin_ – well, that's even worse. 

Steve's thirty-six, for Christ's sake, not some teenager who hasn't a clue who he really is. All this time, Steve's known _exactly_ who he is.

He thinks he knows, anyway.

So much so, that he and Catherine have been talking about marriage. It seems like time; they've been together – albeit somewhat casually still, he supposes – for seven years. 

The seven-year itch isn't supposed to manifest like this, though…

They've come to Catherine's parents' home in Portland for Thanksgiving, and it just so happens, her aunt and uncle and Catherine's cousins are here too. Otherwise, maybe Steve would never have met Brad; would never have felt that strange little skip of his heart when their eyes first met.

But it's happened, and now Steve can't stop thinking about Brad. He's totally ignoring what Catherine's saying right now, in fact, and he has to blink several times and ask her to repeat herself. "Sorry, babe, what was that?"

She huffs at him, moving closer and wrapping arms about his waist, and then waiting till he returns the gesture before kissing him lightly. "Where are you, Steve? You've been distracted all evening. Not thinking about a case, I hope?" 

"No," he assures her, his smile not anywhere near as bright as it should be, although it surprises him he can still touch her as affectionately as he ever did, as if Brad is nowhere in his thoughts.

He's pretty sure Brad feels it too. He's seen the way Brad keeps stealing glances at him; just as he's done to Brad when he's sure no-one is looking.

"What, then?" Catherine's asking, lowering her head as if to look under his lashes at his eyes.

He smiles again, not as at ease as he pretends. "Just wondering what Danny's doing without me."

"Should I be jealous?" she says, her grin widening.

His heart thumps hard for a moment, and he shakes his head, looking away from her frank gaze. "Sure. It's Danny I really want to marry. What with all the arguing, and the criticizing I constantly get, I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with him. You really should look for a better prospect."

She grabs his chin, turning his face back towards her own. "Right. Don't I get to be a bridesmaid?" Her smile is still wide as she continues the running gag they've had going on since he and Danny first met and started to argue like an old married couple.

 _His_ smile feels false, though Cath doesn't seem to see that. If only it _were_ Danny, maybe it would be easier; she might have even seen it coming.

But it's not Danny; it's Brad.

And that's not even to say he and Brad will do something about this mutual attraction; Steve doesn't _think_ he will, and maybe Brad won't feel right about going astray with his favourite cousin's boyfriend. And those exact words had come out of Brad's mouth when he and Catherine had embraced upon his arrival at her parents'. 

_Favourite._

Yeah, not just any cousin. 

Of course, Steve's used to screwing things up; according to some people, it's what he does best. But he and Catherine? They've been rock-solid. Something he's gotten so used to, he's assumed it must be love. But it can't be if he's been eyeing her very _male_ favourite cousin like he'll happily get naked with him the minute they have the chance.

And why does the thought of getting naked with another man suddenly seem so appealing? Steve's pretty sure he's never… no, wait. There was that drunken make-out session with one of the other cadets at the Naval Academy after they finished their second year. He almost laughs aloud remembering that; how stupid they'd both felt the next day; his mumbled 'I thought you were that girl from…' wherever she'd supposedly been from. And… Cross, that was his name – Tim Cross, with the pretty eyes and the dimpled cheeks – he'd agreed and said he'd been too drunk to realize it wasn't a girl kissing _him_. They'd both laughed, embarrassed, and never mentioned it again.

And Steve had made himself ignore every other attractive male ever since.

The reality of that is suddenly and startlingly clear to him. His eyes widen as he gazes into Cath's rapidly very confused eyes.

"Steve?"

"It's okay," he tells her, drawing away as slowly as he can manage in the new knowledge of how much he's denied himself all this time. He's always had some way to block all that out before; his career with the Navy, and then Five-0, both being so all-consuming and time-filling. Being with Cath is easy – comfortable – and always something to come back to before any doubts can arise.

He moves to his bag, digging into it like he's looking for something, but he knows his hands are shaking and he doesn't have a clue what he's supposed to want in it. His heart is racing now, and oddly, he feels faint; his eyes blurry.

"Are you okay, Steve?" Cath is asking behind him, but he can't turn around and face her now.

This is so not the moment for a mid-life crisis of this proportion to be hitting him. They have four whole more days to get through.

"I'm fine," he says, hoping his voice sounds even. "I was just… I can't find my… maybe I left it in the car."

"Your what?"

"I'll be back in a minute." He throws a quick smile at her, heading out of the room they're sharing before she can stop him. "It's bound to be there."

He makes his escape with alacrity, scared another member of Cath's family will stop him on the way. The last thing he can face is someone else asking him if he's okay. He's in the driveway shivering before he remembers he didn't grab the keys to the hire car they came from the airport in. And it's cold here; colder than he's used to.

"Planning your escape?" a rich, deep voice says behind him as Steve stands there, indecisive.

Steve spins, his heart missing a beat as he comes face to face with the object of his desire.

"No, I…" Steve tries, but he's so distracted by the way Brad licks his lips he forgets what he's trying to say.

Brad tilts his head slightly to one side, his freshly licked lip quirking in amusement. He lifts a dark eyebrow and waits, like he expects Steve to wax lyrical on something he's been waiting to hear all his life. He looks incredibly like Catherine right now – the male version – and somehow, incredibly, Steve feels a pulse of desire ripple through his whole body that's way more intense than he can remember it ever being with Cath. 

This is so wrong.

"I can't do this," Steve gets out, and turns away, even going so far as to take a step forward.

"We're not that bad, surely?" Brad asks, and unexpectedly, reaches out a hand and grabs Steve's wrist.

Steve doesn't move, although everything inside him is screaming to react like he would if any other guy took hold of him like that. A few beats go by and Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Brad doesn't let go, and Steve turns back, meeting his gorgeous brown eyes once more. 

Christ, he could get lost in those eyes.

Brad shifts his fingers where they're holding Steve, sending another shiver of unexpected desire thrumming through him. Steve feels out of control and he can't deal with it.

"Let me go," he says, his voice quiet but with an edge of steel.

Brad's brows furrow as he contemplates the wall that Steve's thrown up between them, but he complies.

Steve doesn't move for a moment, and Brad's eyes roam Steve's face, searching for something Steve hopes he's not showing, then he thrusts his hands into his jacket pockets and shakes his head.

"What?" Steve asks, feeling his fists clench.

"Does Cath know?"

"What are you talking about?" Steve's hopeful he can bluff his way out of this one.

"Come on, Steve. We both know what's going on here. You think she won't work it out, whether you stick around or not?"

Steve shakes his head, but he doesn't move away.

"Even if it's not with me, one day you'll make a mistake, and Cath… she doesn't deserve the hurt you'll cause her."

"I'm not going to hurt her," Steve blurts out, though he already knows it's a lie.

"So…" Brad looks confused now. "This hasn't ever come up before?"

Steve swallows hard. "I'm not… I don't…"

"Never?" Brad sounds incredulous, his half-smile dubious.

"Once, almost. A long time ago," Steve mutters, unsure why he's even admitting this to Brad.

"How almost?" Brad asks, but before Steve can think about asking, the front door opens and Cath comes out.

Steve's so freaked, he takes a step backward, his hands up like he's warding off Dracula's cousin instead of Catherine's.

Cath frowns, looking from one to the other, and asks, her voice uncertain, "Is everything okay?"

Steve's hands flutter downward; Brad lifts his eyebrows and stares like Steve just outed himself. Steve realizes how effeminate the gesture is and immediately the warmth in his face lets him know he's making more than an idiot of himself.

He swallows hard and flicks an angry glance at Brad; this feels like it's all his fault, though he's done very little. No, it's Steve who's made the mistake, and he knows he needs to do some damage control before this gets any more out of whack.

"Sorry, Cath. It's fine. I was just coming back. Brad was just… he was telling me how much fun you guys had together when you were kids. Maybe I was just a little jealous." 

He gives Cath a grin that feels so false he's sure she's going to call him on it, but as he nears her she just smiles fondly in Brad's direction before taking Steve's outstretched hand and wrapping it around her waist. She says, "Well, we'd decided we would get married one day if neither of us found the right man by the time we were thirty, so you'd better watch out."

Steve's jerked reaction to that just seems to amuse her and she laughs as Brad shrugs, smiling too. "Brad didn't tell you he was gay?" she asks.

_He didn't have to._

Steve doesn't know how he manages to get through the next few minutes, but somehow Cath leads him back inside and Brad walks off down the path. Still Catherine doesn't seem to have grasped anything of what's just transpired.

Steve breathes a sigh of relief as they head for the kitchen where Cath's mother offers them coffee, and the conversation thankfully turns to the work they've both been doing with Five-0.

He pushes all the traitorous thoughts to the back of his head and pretends like he's as relaxed as he was when they first arrived. He's been denying this long enough; what's another few days in the end, despite his almost freak-out just now?

~//~ 

Three days later and Steve's managed to avoid being alone with Brad for most of the weekend. Because of that, he's managed to convince himself that he's not interested and that he loves Catherine just as he's always believed he did.

He's actually managed to relax by that afternoon when he goes outside for a breath of air and some time alone; he's not used to this full-on family stuff and it's a little intense at times, even without the attraction to Brad.

He settles on one of the swings halfway down the yard and pushes it idly with loose movements of one foot as he takes a deep breath of the country air – so different to Hawaii; not better or worse, just different.

Footfalls behind him materialize into Brad easing into the swing beside him, and Steve tries not to freeze.

"Gets a bit overwhelming, doesn't it?" is all Brad says though, sounding as though he finds his own family as noisy as Steve does.

Steve manages a smile. "I'm not used to big families. After my mom… died… it was just my dad, my sister and me. And then Dad sent us away to relatives; that was pretty quiet too a lot of the time."

Brad nods, smiling at his feet. "Even living with all of them around for most of my life, it could be… stifling… especially when you didn't exactly fit in."

Steve's surprised. "I thought they all knew about you."

Brad tilts his head sideways and squints towards Steve, the sun in his face. "Not back then they didn't, and I… I was too scared to say anything. As it happens, Cath was the first person I told."

"Yeah?"

"She was always in my corner. It was her who gave me the courage to talk to my parents in the end." He huffs, glancing into the distance, as if remembering the moment. "I was fourteen when I told Cath, but it took me another five years to tell them."

Steve nods uneasily. "They obviously didn't have a problem with it."

"It wasn't always this relaxed, believe me, but we got through the rough times. They're still disappointed I may never give them grandchildren, but…" He shrugs and looks away.

"These days," Steve starts carefully, "it's possible with surrogacy or adoption…"

Brad turns back, shaking his head lightly. "Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I didn't come out here to talk about the chances of my mother and father becoming grandparents." He stares pointedly at Steve.

Steve frowns. "What?"

"Don't you think she has a right to know?" 

Licking his lips to give himself time to formulate the right reply, Steve says, "Not if nothing's going on."

There's a pause while Brad gives him a skeptical look.

"I'm serious. _Nothing_ is going to happen. I wouldn't do that to her any more than you would."

Brad nods slowly, but he still doesn't look convinced. "You really think it's that simple, don't you?"

Steve swallows unevenly and studies his knees rather than face the continued scrutiny. "It has been so far."

"Let me guess: the way you reacted to me hasn't happened before; not while you've been seeing Cath, at least."

It's taken a lot of will-power for Steve to get this far without giving in to the need that's been coursing through him ever since Brad took the seat on the swing next to him, but there's no way he can go there while he's seeing Cath.

"Look, if all you're going to do is try to convince me to admit to her that I have _feelings_ for… for someone who doesn't happen to be another woman, when nothing's happened and nothing's going to, then… we're done talking." Steve stands up, moving away from the swings before turning to look back at Brad. "Just so you know, I care a hell of a lot about Cath, and I would never hurt her."

Wisely, Brad says nothing more as Steve walks away, although Steve's got the distinct impression this isn't the last he's going to hear from Brad.

And in all honesty, no matter how much he means what he's said just now, Steve can't help hoping it's not.

~//~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Cath are back in Hawaii, and Steve can't stop thinking about Brad

Two weeks later, Steve and Cath are back in Hawaii, and Steve's still having thoughts about Brad. He doesn't want to, and he's definitely not going to act on them, but that last exchange outside sitting on the swings has been going around and around in his head.

Catherine's noticed he's not his usual focused self as well. She's been giving him funny looks lately, and yesterday she even asked him if he was okay. He's not about to say anything about his conversation with Brad, but it's occurred to him that Brad might. He wonders if he can sneak Brad's email address from her and send him a message. It's not about staying in touch with him; it's just to check Brad hasn't said anything that might give the game away.

While Cath's in the shower, he opens her laptop. Steve's in luck; she's left her email open. He checks her inbox for anything that seems likely and finds one from _rainbowboy8@hotmail.com_ that he begins to read:

_Steve's not like I thought. After all you said about him, I thought he'd be more distant, but I was wrong. You'd better watch yourself with him, Cat._

Steve hears the shower stop, and he looks around, heart thumping. Jesus, what's Brad saying? He goes back to the email quickly, finding his place again.

_He's hot, and someone else will snap him up if you don't watch your back. Wouldn't surprise me if he'd already had offers! Hell, if he swung my way…_

Letting out a rasping breath full of fear, Steve blinks at the words, but _rainbowboy8_ doesn't say any more. The rest of the email is about family stuff as far as he can tell, and he quickly clicks back to where Cath had left the screen open. He hears her open the door down the hallway and places the laptop back where it was before she walks into the room.

"Hey." He smiles at her, heart still thudding hard inside his chest as he meets her halfway across the room and kisses her lightly. "You want to go out to eat tonight?"

She's got a towel in one hand and is rubbing her wet hair as she considers his words. "I thought we were going to stay in? You said you were tired." There's suspicion in the depths of her dark eyes.

He'd forgotten he'd said that and shakes his head in confusion for a moment before he can think of something to say. "I feel better after this afternoon's swim." He shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets. "Up to you, though?"

"Are you sure you're alright?" Cath lowers the towel and squints at him. "You've been… I don't know... a little off since we got back from my folks."

"I'm fine, honestly. Maybe it was the difference in the weather?" he tries, moving past her and looking back from the doorway. "Look, if you don't want to eat out…"

"I didn't say that," Cath grins, tossing the towel onto the nearby chair. 

She knows he hates that, but she keeps doing it. He tries not to frown; he probably shouldn't be so anal. She'll hang it up soon enough. "So do you want-"

"What do you want?" she asks, and he gets the distinct impression she doesn't mean for dinner.

He freezes, and he's sure his eyes are as wide open as his mouth, although no words make it out.

"Steve?" Cath just looks confused now.

"I… look, I… I just remembered I was going to catch up with Danny this afternoon. He… he wanted my opinion on… this bike he was thinking of buying for Grace." It's weak, but it was the first thing he could think of.

"Really?" Cath asks, like it's the oddest request ever.

"Yeah, he… he didn't know whether Grace would like a mountain bike or a BMX better, and I said… I'd help him choose something."

Cath looks put out, but she replies, "Okay. Uh… then I should probably just go home now. You can pick me up later for food, yeah?"

"Sure." Steve nods quickly and heads downstairs, calling back as he goes, "Set the alarm when you go. I'll text you."

He feels sick, but he manages to get out of the house and into the truck before it gets out of hand. He heads for Danny's; what else can he do? Any lie has to have some basis of truth or it won't hold up.

~//~ 

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Danny says from under guarded brows, though he beckons Steve in and adds, "You want a beer?"

Steve, unsure what he's even going to say, nods, and finds a place on the couch, picking up the remote and clicking the TV on.

Clearly, Danny can see something's up, but wisely he just hands Steve the beer and sits down beside him. "Jesus, Steve, anything but that."

"Hmm?" Steve murmurs, glancing sideways at Danny's expression before focusing back at the screen to notice some kind of soap opera which has prompted Danny's response. Steve hadn't been looking at it; it's just a distraction so he doesn't have to explain why he's here. He manages a smile and changes channels several times until a game of baseball fills the screen, and then puts the remote down, watching the screen like he's fascinated, as he drinks his beer. 

"So…" Danny begins after a moment of watching the game, "You just came over to watch some random baseball game, huh?" 

"Uh… well, not really."

Danny nods sagely and waits, for which Steve is grateful. He's not sure he could stand any of Danny's questions right now. He continues to watch the game, sipping from his beer every now and then.

"So…" he begins a few moments later, his heart speeding up as he tries to put what's going through his head as vaguely as possible so Danny won't guess what's really going on. "If you met someone who was related to Gabby or Rachel, or anyone else you happened to be dating…" He hesitates, frowning at his beer bottle for a second and biting at the inside of his lip as he works his way to the words he needs.

"Mmhmm?" Danny murmurs, flicking him a quick look and then watching the TV again.

"I mean… you don't want to get involved or anything, but what if you can't stop thinking about them?"

Danny turns his head slowly and narrows his eyes.

"What?" Steve asks, scared he's said too much already.

"Did you meet someone at Catherine's family reunion?"

Steve blinks. He wasn't oblique enough and now Danny's going to think he's a jerk that wants to ditch Catherine. "No!" he bursts out. "Well…" He puts the beer bottle down and scratches his head, looking away from Danny.

"You did, didn't you? What, Catherine's not hot enough that you have to eye up some gorgeous cousin of hers too?"

Steve can feel his face heating up and he looks in the opposite direction from Danny, afraid to meet his eyes. He wipes a hand over his mouth, swallowing against the dryness that's started. "I didn't… I wasn't… I just…" He can't even find words.

"I hope that whoever it was didn't encourage you. Please tell me she's not Catherine's best friend in the family who just happens to find you attractive and wants to get into your pants badly enough that she's willing to betray her own cousin."

Steve whips his head around at that. Thankfully Danny hasn't worked out that it isn't a 'she', but too much of what he's saying is disturbingly close to the truth. Of course it's not the part about the cousin being willing to betray Cath. "It's not like that, Danny. If you want to know, I didn't… say anything. And no, betrayal is not what… not on the cards. In fact, I got warned against hurting Cath, though I have absolutely no intention of doing that, and I said so."

Danny does that impressed kind of frown that means he's a little surprised, but he's glad to hear it.

"It's just… well, I don't know how to describe it… as soon as our eyes met… I knew we'd connected somehow. And while I assured… this person… that I wasn't about to _do_ anything, since I got back here… I keep thinking about that weekend."

"Nothing happened, though?"

Steve shook his head, reaching for his beer and swallowing carefully.

"Well, then?" Danny shrugged and sat back like that was the end.

"What do you mean?"

"If she's back on the mainland and you're here, there's no reason for your memories not to fade, right? You'll get past it, as long as you leave it alone. It's not like you're going to make contact again, right?"

"Right," Steve agrees quickly, although traitorous thoughts of a certain email address are sliding through his head.

They watch the rest of the game in relative quiet, though when he gets up to leave at the end of it, Steve can't say what the score was, or even who was playing.

~//~ 

_I just wanted to-_

Steve deletes the words he's just typed and stares at the cursor blinking in the email; it's blank except for the words 'Hey Brad'. 

It's a couple of days later and he's at home alone.

He lets out a long slow breath. This is crazy. The guy doesn't even know Steve has his email address, although how could he not know who it's from with _sjmcgarrett_ in the main part of the address?

_I know I probably shouldn't be sending this, but I need to talk to someone._

Better, but still not perfect. Steve licks his lips, staring at the words.

_You were right, but I want you to know I don't want to hurt Catherine._

No. That's not what Steve wants, but he's going to have to, isn't he? 

_I think I'm going to have to break up with her, but I don't know what to tell her. You know her better than I do. Should I tell her everything or just that I can't be what she deserves?_

Christ. Now he just sounds pathetic. Steve deletes the whole email and closes his laptop.

This whole thing is crazy, but he can't stop imagining himself with Brad. He knows he has to tell Catherine he can't stay with her, even though he knows that he needs to keep away from Brad. They don't even live in the same state, anyway; it can't be that hard. There will be someone else; _anyone_ else would be more suitable, when it comes down to it.

The trouble is, he doesn't want anyone else.

He is so screwed.

~//~ 

"Steve?"

Catherine's voice floats up the stairs and there's the sound of a door slamming. Steve wills his erection to subside as he lets his cock go and practically leaps off the bed, grabbing a pair of shorts and diving into the bathroom. 

_Christ!_

Not only was Steve jerking off, but he was picturing Brad's mouth around his cock, and the thought of Cath catching him with her cousin in his head – even though there's no way she could know that – while he strokes himself to orgasm is too embarrassing to consider. The truth is, Cath is open-minded enough to get off on the idea of walking in on him naked and masturbating, but he knows he'd lose his cool right now, and there would be no explaining why he'd be so freaked.

In the bathroom he pushes the door shut behind him and jumps into the shower, blasting the cold water and gasping as the shock of it kills the last of his desire. He hears her call out again from the bedroom, and turns the heat up as he calls out, "In the shower, Cath. I'll be done in a few."

He quickly soaps and then rinses off, and taking a breath as he exits the shower, grabs his towel and scrubs roughly at his skin. He checks his face in the mirror, and although he still feels guilty, he doesn't think she'll be able to see that in his eyes. He pulls on his shorts and heads into the bedroom.

"Hey," he smiles at her, and moves close to offer her a kiss.

"Did you swim?" she asks, taking a seat on the bed as he searches his drawers for a clean shirt.

"Uh-huh," he answers with his back to her – which is a lie, but he's sure as hell not saying what he was really doing when she came in the door.

"So…" she says, stretching out the word in a way that has him frowning at her suspiciously.

He pulls the t-shirt he's found over his head and asks, "So… what?"

"Remember my cousin, Brad?"

Steve's heart begins thumping. What in hell is she about to say?

"Yeah…" he answers cautiously.

"He's coming over here in a couple of weeks, and he'll be staying with me…"

_Jesus Christ!_ What game is the guy playing? And what exactly has he said to Cath?

"And?" Steve tries to play it casual. "You want a beer? Shall we go downstairs?" He needs to get out of the bedroom, _now_.

"The thing is," Cath continues as they descend the staircase, "I've got this girls' night out already planned for the night he arrives… and he doesn't know anyone here."

"Then why's he coming?" Steve snorts, heading into the kitchen so he doesn't have to look at her while she asks what he _knows_ she's going to ask next.

"Hey! I thought you liked him. It's not because he's gay, is it?"

"No! I like him just fine." Exactly how _fine_ Steve is not going to say. He offers her a look that he hopes shows how ridiculous that would be, but suspects it appears phony.

"Good, because I'd hate to think you'd be down on him for that. And anyway, he's coming because he's never been before and because I invited him. And… what I was going to ask was… could you pick him up from the airport, and maybe take him out for a drink or dinner, or something?"

Steve tries not to think about the _or something_ he could do with Brad.

"Can't you put off the girls' night out?" he says instead.

Cath's brows furrow like she doesn't get his reluctance, and why would she? "Terri's getting married next month and Noni's leaving on assignment the next day; it's our last chance to do this, and no other night before that is going to suit everybody. Brad tried to get a later flight, but this one was his best option; not everyone can afford to play around with the cost of airfares or their vacation time."

Steve nods, frowning as he hands her a beer. "Fair enough. Won't he be tired and want to stay in?"

"The flight's not that long," Cath laughs, "and Brad, stay in? I don't think so. In all honesty, he'd probably like to test the nightlife, but that can probably wait until I'm free to take him."

Realizing that staying in alone with Brad might actually be worse than being in a restaurant or bar with the guy, Steve feels some relief. Sudden doubt about his sanity when it comes to anything involving her cousin makes him wonder why he was foolish enough to suggest the idea in the first place. "Okay," he agrees, though he's more than concerned about the whole thing. Has Brad arranged this to test him somehow, or does he genuinely think Steve won't be disturbed by him being here?

"Good, thank you." Cath drinks some beer, then moves close enough to kiss Steve. "He likes you, and believe me, he's always been pretty cool towards my boyfriends before now, so…"

Steve's heart starts thudding again. "Really?" Either Brad believes what Steve told him about not acting on his attraction, or this is some kind of elaborate ruse to test whether he can make Steve leave Cath.

Steve isn't sure which, but he has a sinking suspicion he's about to find out.

~//~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad comes to Hawaii to visit, sending Steve's emotions spiralling

At the last minute, Steve decides he needs a buffer and asks Danny to go to the airport with him.

"What's with this guy that you need someone with you to collect him from the airport?" Danny asks in the car, after agreeing without any kind of argument, to Steve's surprise.

Steve's eyes widen before he can stop them, as he glances towards Danny. "Nothing. It's Friday, you don't have Grace and I thought… hey, you probably need dinner too."

Danny narrows his eyes. "That's all?"

Steve chews his lip for a moment as he watches the road, and he's well aware that Danny is still looking at him with suspicion. He gives in and tells him a fraction more – he's not stupid, so there's no way he's going near the rest of it. "He's gay."

"Oh?"

Steve sneaks a look at Danny, noting the curiosity in his eyes. "What?"

"You're not comfortable around gay guys?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that exactly, but I don't really know many and… I don't want to make an idiot of myself by saying the wrong thing."

Danny snorts. "When have you ever let that stop you? Seriously, Steve, they're not that different from you and me. Anyway, you met him on that trip you took with Cath, didn't you? You must have talked at least a little."

"Yeah, he seems like a good guy. He and Cath were pretty good friends when they were younger."

"Hmmm." Danny seems distracted now as he frowns out the side window.

Steve finds his own brows furrowing and he wonders what Danny's thinking, but he's afraid to ask. He just hopes Danny isn't remembering their previous discussion about that trip. His heart is already pounding a little faster than normal; the last thing he needs is the extra beat Danny's manner is causing.

~//~

Steve calls out as he spots Brad coming out through the gate. "Brad!" His heart speeds up and he flicks Danny a glance and pastes on a smile as he catches Brad's eye.

Brad smiles widely and heads in Steve and Danny's direction. "Hey, Steve."

Steve avoids touching Brad by turning to introduce Danny to him. "Danny Williams, Brad Morrison; Brad, Danny." 

Brad adjusts the bag he has on his shoulder and reaches out a hand to shake Danny's. Danny smiles at him and offers, "Welcome to Hawaii."

"Thanks," Brad says as he takes his hand back. He's still smiling as he says, "And thanks for coming to meet me. I'm grateful, since my reprobate cousin thinks partying with her girlfriends is more important than being here for me."

"It's no big deal," Steve tells him, not quite meeting Brad's eye. "Shall we get out of here?"

"Sounds like a plan," Brad replies, and they head out to find Steve's truck.

"So," Steve starts cautiously once he's behind the wheel. "Where do you want to go first? Back to Cath's, find some dinner somewhere, or… grab a beer?" His heart is thudding by the time he's finished speaking, and he hopes his face isn't reddening. He exchanges a look with Danny in the rearview mirror – Danny has graciously agreed to take the back seat and let Brad ride shotgun.

Brad graces him with a stunning smile and then flicks a look at Danny. "You know I'm actually pretty tired. It's been a long day. Would it be rude of me to suggest we grab some takeout and just eat it at yours? I can catch a cab to Cath's later if it's easier?"

"Uh…" Steve wasn't prepared for that, and tries to work out if it's Brad's subtle way to suggest Danny leave them alone soon, or if Brad would rather avoid being with _Steve_ for any length of time by heading for Cath's as soon as possible.

"Don't be silly," Danny says before Steve can formulate a proper answer. "Takeout sounds good, and Steve probably has beer… or we could get something non-alcoholic if you want? And I can drop you at Cath's on my way home later."

A surge of unexpected jealousy surges through Steve at Danny's offer, and he's not sure which person he's most jealous of. "It's the complete opposite way from your place, Danno," he blurts. "I can take Brad to Cath's when you leave." 

Christ, now it sounds like he can't wait to be alone with Brad. He swallows hard. "I mean, it doesn't make any sense for you to drive all the way over there…" It sounds weak and stupid, and Steve feels like an idiot.

Brad smiles awkwardly this time and nods. "Whatever's easiest, guys." He must wonder what on earth is going through Steve's head.

Danny holds up his hands in a 'whatever' gesture. "We can figure it out later, I guess. What kind of takeout you thinking of, Brad?"

"I have no idea, actually. What's good here?" Brad turns to look at Danny over the seat, and Steve feels that lurch of jealousy again. Bringing Danny along for this may have been a mistake, although Steve still isn't sure it would be any easier if he was alone with Brad.

"The best Hawaiian pizza is pretty near-" Steve starts, but Brad interrupts.

"Actually, I don't really like pineapple on pizza."

Danny smirks into the mirror, meeting Steve's eyes for a second. "And I rest my case."

Steve has to bite his tongue; his jealousy is uncalled for and so stupid, but he can feel the prickling behind his eyes that signals he's going to act even more stupidly if he isn't careful. 

Finally, they agree on Chinese, and Steve stops at the place he usually goes to. They choose a few different items from the menu and wait at the counter for their order to be made up. It doesn't take long and they manage some small talk about the flight and the temperature in Hawaii compared to the mainland at this time of year.

Steve's quiet as he drives the rest of the way; he lets Danny ask Brad about his job and where he lives, still feeling a little out of sorts, but unwilling to voice what he's thinking.

Back at his place, he leads Brad in, taking the larger of Brad's bags while Danny brings up the rear with the takeout. Brad has a jacket and his hand luggage, but seems to be travelling a lot lighter than Steve would have thought for a gay guy – although what does he know? While it wasn't a surprise to hear that Brad was gay when Cath told him, the guy's not exactly the 'screaming' type.

"This is the McGarrett household," Steve explains, dropping Brad's bag inside the door and gesturing around the living room. "The bathroom is upstairs and the beach is that way." He points through the dining room towards the lanai. Can I get you a beer?"

"Wow." Brad is transfixed by the view of the beach and goes towards the window for a closer look. "A beer sounds good. This place is amazing. It belonged to your folks?" He gives Steve a questioning look over his shoulder. 

"Yeah," Steve nods. "Go out – we can eat on the lanai." He's holding three bottles that he's grabbed from the fridge, and Danny is taking the food through the door to the lanai with Brad right behind him. Steve follows them both.

"Hmm?" Danny murmurs as he puts the takeout onto the table outside and turns around.

Steve hands a beer to Brad, trying not to jump when his hand touches Brad's. He turns to hand another to Danny, who is giving him an odd look. "What?"

Danny takes the beer, shaking his head as he frowns slightly. "No, nothing.”

“O-kay," Steve says slowly and pulls a couple of chairs nearer, indicating Brad should sit down in one of them while he takes the other.

Danny frowns at him a moment longer then drags a third chair close and sits too. 

Brad doesn't seem to have noticed the odd behavior between Steve and Danny. "So, this is… it's beautiful." He gazes around and shakes his head disbelievingly. "I always meant to come out here before, but couldn't seem to get the time away." 

They lay out the takeout and start eating without any further awkwardness, and somehow the conversation seems to flow easily enough with the food as a buffer, and that – along with the beer – helps Steve relax a little. He even manages not to get too swept away by Brad's gorgeous eyes when he looks at the man as he talks, though once or twice he has to make the effort to drag his gaze away from Brad's rosebud red and very shapely lips.

Steve gets up to fetch another beer for each of them at the end of the meal, and is just coming back from the kitchen when he catches Brad yawning.

"Sorry," Brad apologizes, his face pinking slightly. "I was up early to pack – I know, I should have done it last night – and I can never sleep on planes, so… it wasn't that long a flight, but I'm still a little confused about times."

"It's okay," Steve tells him as he places the bottles on the table and pushes one in Danny's direction and a second closer to Brad's still half-full first beer. "You want me to take you over to Cath's soon so you can sleep? …or you could just crash here. I have a spare bed."

Danny snorts, drawing Steve's attention, and then raises his eyebrows. "So why do I only ever get the couch?"

Steve gestures in exasperation and shakes his head. "Because you like sleeping on the couch. I've offered you the bed before."

"If you did, I don't remember. Where is this fictitious other bed?"

Steve frowns. Has Danny been upstairs that little? "Mary's old room. You must have seen it."

"Uh… you just threw blankets at me and dragged out some old pillow the few times I've slept here."

"Well, I don't know, Danny. Maybe between letting the dog sleep in my bed that time I was on reserve duty and complaining about the noise of the ocean, you could have looked."

Steve realizes that Brad is watching them with a lop-sided grin on his face that is so endearing Steve thinks he'd like to kiss him. He blinks the thought away and asks, "What?"

"You two are like an old married couple."

"Never heard that one before," Danny grins.

"Yeah," Steve agrees awkwardly, wondering exactly what Brad thinks his and Danny's relationship is.

Brad laughs, takes a sip of his beer and then suppresses another yawn. "Maybe I could crash here; if you don't mind, that is?" 

"Uh… yeah, sure. That is…" Steve stumbles over what to say, but figures he can hardly retract his invitation now. Still, he does feel uncomfortable, especially after Brad's called him and Danny 'an old married couple'. "Let me show you everything."

Danny stands up when Steve does. "Hey, I should head home anyway. Let you sleep."

Brad shakes his head as he gets to his feet. "Don't leave on my account. I'll sleep through anything, so if you guys want to hang out, then please do."

Danny gives Steve a hopeful look, a question of some kind in his eyes.

"Sure," Steve gets out, "Stay if you want. I'm not planning on going to bed for a while."

"Alright then," Danny grins, settling back into his chair and picking up his beer.

"So," Steve gestures for Brad to go inside ahead of him. He flicks a look at Danny, frowning, and follows Brad. Clearly there's something Danny wants to say; Steve wonders how much he's figured out.

"Look, I'm sorry if I got in the way," Brad says as he grabs his bag and follows Steve up the stairs. "I could have gone over to Cath's, but she won't be home early knowing her, and I… I don't really want to be alone. I mean, I need to sleep, but knowing someone is in the house feels way more comfortable when I'm in a new place, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that." Steve nods. They've reached the door to Mary's old room, and he reaches to turn on the light. "The bed is in here. It's only a single, I'm afraid, but it's comfortable. It's already made up, but let me know if you need anything else. The bathroom is next door on the right. There are clean towels laid out in there."

Brad puts his bag on the bed and turns around, nodding his thanks as he takes in the room that is still pretty much decorated for a young girl.

"Sorry about the décor," Steve apologizes, taking in the tired look. "I should redecorate, but I haven't gotten around to it."

Brad smiles, looking slightly worried with it. "Are you and Danny…?"

There's a question there, but Steve isn't sure what it is for a moment. He clicks rapidly, stunned that Brad's thinking like that, despite the comment about them being married. So many people have accused them of that, he's forgotten to worry about it meaning anything. "No! Danny and I… we're work colleagues – friends too – but nothing more, honestly. I wouldn't do that to Cath."

"Okay." Brad still doesn't look convinced though. "You haven't told her anything about what happened at home, have you?"

Steve shoves his hands in his pockets and shakes his head. "There's nothing to tell." 

"Come on, Steve; we both know that's not true."

"Why did you come, Brad?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why now? Why not… last year or next month? Why so soon after Cath and I visited?"

Brad shrugs, and turns to open his bag, pulling a couple of things out. "I told you; it was difficult to get away before, and now just happened to work for me."

"Is that all? I mean, you're pushing to know about my life; to convince me to tell Cath about something that isn't really anything… I can't help but wonder why."

Brad turns around again slowly, holding a t-shirt that he's scrunching up in both hands like he's nervous. "She's my favourite cousin. I just… I wanted to check that you're treating her right."

Steve folds his arms and laughs. "Cath and I have been together for seven years; don't you think she'd have kicked my ass from here to Afghanistan if she thought I was cheating on her, or doing _anything_ she didn't like?"

There's a quirk of Brad's lip that says he doesn't doubt that Cath would be more than capable of that. "True." 

Brad doesn't say anything else, and Steve just watches for a moment as he turns back to his bag and pulls out more things.

"I'll leave you to it," Steve says. "I'll text Cath and let her know you're staying here overnight."

"Thanks," Brad says over his shoulder.

Steve shuts the door as he leaves the room, and heads back downstairs, still wondering about Brad's motives. 

"Hey," Steve says as he comes out onto the lanai where Danny is still sitting, staring pensively into space and cupping his beer bottle in one hand.

"Hey yourself," Danny says. "You sure you don't want me to go?"

"No, it's still early, we could… I don't know, watch a game or something? A movie?" Steve sits back where he'd been before, reclaiming his beer and taking a large swallow.

"Brad seems like an okay guy," Danny remarks after a moment, and Steve meets his eyes, trying to read if the remark is as innocent as it appears.

He nods. "Yeah. Cath made out he's a party boy, but…" He shrugs, turning a hand up in question. He looks away from Danny's gaze, scratching the back of his head as he finds more words. "Maybe he usually is, and tonight he's just as tired as he says."

"He was at the family gathering…" Danny trails off slowly and Steve flashes him a look, worried what he's going to say next. Danny's eyes are more than thoughtful now.

"What?" Steve asks, heart thumping, though he's not really sure he wants to know what's on Danny's mind.

"Does he know something about the woman you 'connected' with at Cath's family reunion?" Danny gestures the speech marks around the _connected_ , and Steve is so relieved he hasn't worked out that the 'she' in the scenario he previously described to Danny is a 'he', that he probably looks the part of a man on death row who just got a reprieve from the governor. 

"You could say that."

"Is that why you've been so weird tonight?"

"Have I been weird?"

Danny snorts and turns away, shaking his head. "'Have I been weird?' he says." He looks back at Steve, narrowing his eyes as he studies Steve's.

Steve tries to look relaxed and unworried, but he's not feeling it. "What?"

"This, my friend, is so far from what you think you are achieving."

"And what exactly do you think _I_ think I'm achieving?"

Danny looks as if he's about to launch into a lecture on exactly what he thinks Steve is hiding. Steve almost considers stopping him before he starts, to just tell him the truth.

For one second, that is. 

There's no way he can really tell Danny what he's feeling about Brad. He can't tell him about the trepidation and worry he's having about Brad being here now; about him choosing to come when Cath is busy so Steve will have to play host. Most of all, Steve can't tell Danny about what he is still feeling for Brad and how desperately he wants to figure out a way to let Cath down gently and still have a chance with her incredibly alluring cousin.

"I think you think," Danny is saying, "that I don't have a clue what's going on with you, and I would just like to tell you that you're completely wrong. I know exactly what's going through your head right now."

Steve practically whispers the next sentence as he gazes sadly at his best friend. "I don't think you do." 

"It seems obvious to me that more than you said happened while you were visiting Catherine's family, and that Brad is involved in it somehow. You're worried I'm going to guess what part he played in the whole thing."

Steve's heart is thumping so hard by the time Danny's finished speaking that he virtually can't speak. Danny, in his inimitable way, has cut to the heart of the matter exactly – even if he hasn't actually figured out it's Brad that Steve has fallen for – and verbalized precisely what Steve's been thinking.

By the time Steve manages to swallow enough saliva to moisten his dry throat, he realizes there's no way Danny can _know_ anything except the vague notions he's outlined, although a tiny part of Steve's brain is worried that somehow Danny knows him well enough that he _will_ know.

Steve licks his lips, and smiles tightly. "And have you?"

"Guessed?"

Steve's speeding pulse has, unbelievably, quickened more. He nods and says nothing, waiting to hear what Danny has deduced from tonight's interchanges.

"He saw you with whoever the girl is, didn't he?"

Steve lets out the breath he was holding with a whoosh of gentle air, incredibly relieved, and shakes his head. "No."

Danny grins unexpectedly, looking away across the water, then downwards, scrubbing at the back of his head. As he raises it, he says, "It's him, isn't it?"

Steve _should_ understand immediately, but the relief he has briefly felt must have made him stupid. "Him what?"

Danny meets his eyes once more, an invitation for honesty in them, if Steve is reading him right. Steve wets his lips again before speaking, understanding hitting him as he does so.

"Yes," he finally answers. 

"Okay," Danny says, looking away again. He nods like it all makes perfect sense, but doesn't say anything.

Steve studies him, swallowing more beer to cover how worried he is that this means their friendship is over. Danny's still looking away though, and while it's better than it might be – Danny could have got up and walked out – the lack of words from someone who's extremely verbose most of the time has Steve starting to panic.

"Nothing happened," Steve offers, not so much in defense as a way to get Danny to speak.

Danny looks up. "But you want it to, don't you?"

"I never said that."

"Did you invite him here?" Danny's eyes hold suspicion in them.

"I didn't know he was coming, Danny. I swear I would never do that to Cath. Neither would Brad."

"Are you sure about that?"

"About Brad?" Steve thinks about what he said to Brad earlier – how he implied something similar. "Not one hundred percent, but he and Cath are close and I just don't see him treating her like that."

"I wasn't talking about him."

Steve is taken aback. He points to himself. "Me? Are you kidding? Look, I may have just discovered something about myself that I didn't realize I was suppressing, but it doesn't mean I'd ride roughshod over my _girlfriend's_ feelings! I love her, Danny!" 

Danny nods again. "I don't doubt that, but this… if this is new for you, it's got to have shaken you, and knowing you like I do, I'm just concerned you might do something you might regret before you've thought it through properly."

"I didn't invite him here!" Steve lets out, angry. 

"It's okay, I believe you. But… he's a good-looking guy; maybe you're just confused."

Steve is grateful that Danny hasn't just leapt to the conclusion that Steve has been hiding something from Cath all this time, and is actually working things out in his own head logically; it's more than Steve's been able to do. 

"I don't think I am confused. I mean… Cath's been the only one for me for a long time, and… in all honesty, Danny, I've never been one to watch the girls all the time." He sees Danny's eyes widen and forestalls anything he might say with a hand up. "That doesn't mean I've been looking at men… well, not exactly. I mean, comparisons, sure, or just admiring something about someone, more than _looking_ , you know? I've always enjoyed sex with women, though."

"So you've never been with a man?"

"No! I never even thought about any of that before I met Brad."

"Does he know how you feel?"

Steve tilts his head in embarrassment. "He worked it out. We talked, and I told him pretty much the same thing I've said to you: that I have no intention of hurting Cath by acting on my feelings. Besides… I don't even know that I could… go all the way… with a guy."

"You mean you actually talked about your _feelings_?" Danny asks with a grin, ignoring the last part. 

"Ha, ha. I'm not so tough I can't have a conversation about the way I feel." Steve is feeling self-conscious all the same; it's weird talking about this stuff with Danny. It's not something he's ever imagined they'd discuss. "How is it you're not freaking out about this, anyway? Aren't you a little unnerved by the thought of me being into guys as well as girls?"

Danny shrugs. "I'm not exactly perfect myself."

Frowning in confusion, Steve isn't sure what he sees in Danny's eyes now. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Danny takes a deep breath and puts his beer bottle on the table between them. "Let's just say that in my younger years I did some experimenting, so I can hardly disapprove."

Steve blinks in surprise. _That_ is not something he's ever expected to hear from straight-as-a-die Danny.

There's an embarrassed sort of smile on Danny's face now. "I never mentioned it before because I thought _you_ would freak out. But in light of the fact that you have clearly had some of the same sorts of thoughts in your head lately that I had back then… well, it would be hypocritical of me to look down my nose at you."

Steve's still surprised but he laughs softly. "You couldn't look down your nose at me unless you stood on a box, babe."

Danny gestures a reluctant acceptance at the truth of the words, giving Steve a soft look that stirs something inside him. He's always loved Danny as a friend – hasn't considered that anything else could exist between them, in all honesty – but the look he's seeing makes him wonder if perhaps Danny's feelings for him have been tinged with a little more. He swallows hard and looks away, scared suddenly.

"What?" Danny asks, like he's sensed the change in Steve's thoughts.

"Nothing," Steve says, flicking a quick look at Danny but focusing away from him before he can change his mind about voicing what he's just wondered. 

The quick look has revealed suspicion in Danny's eyes, but wisely, he doesn't push Steve for more. 

Steve's not sure he's ready to scrape away the protection he's surrounded himself with in order to deal with what's below the surface, in any case. Things are awkward enough right now; he doesn't need to complicate his life any more. 

"Anyway," Danny announces with what feels like finality as he stands up, downing the last of his beer and clunking the bottle on the table. "I should go."

Much as talking to Danny has been interesting tonight – not that it ever isn't – Steve's head is spinning a little with the revelations, and he could use some time alone to get his thoughts in order. "Okay," he agrees, standing up too and collecting the empties. "I'll walk you out."

Danny waves him off. "You don't have to, babe."

"I gotta take these inside anyway." Steve gestures with the bottles, and follows Danny through the house, dumping his handful in the recycling as they pass through the kitchen.

They're both silent as they make their way to the door.

Danny reaches for the handle, but turns around before opening it. "I know you mean what you say, Steve, but it's easy to be swayed when the person you care for isn't around and the object of your desire is right in front of you."

Steve squints thoughtfully at the expression he's seeing on Danny's face. "You say that like you've been there."

"I have," Danny confirms. "It wasn't pretty. And this… if it gets out of control…" He leaves the sentence open as he holds up a questioning hand.

"I have no intention of letting it get out of control."

"Good." Danny nods and gazes straight into Steve's eyes for a moment before turning and opening the door. "See you tomorrow, babe."

"Night, Danno." 

Steve watches until Danny climbs into the Camaro. He shuts the door, then turns and stares up the stairs, thinking. Despite what he's just told Danny, the urge to climb those stairs and knock on the door to the bedroom where Brad is sleeping rises inside him. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath.

The stairs are under his feet before he can stop himself.

~//~


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get out of hand between Steve and Brad; it's time to front up to Cath

Steve's holding his hand up to knock on the door to the room Brad's sleeping in when it opens in front of him. He blinks in surprise, hand motionless in the air as Brad sees him; his eyes widen and he stops where he is in the doorway. Neither of them say anything for a heartbeat.

"Sorry," Steve says. 

At the same moment, Brad says, "I didn't…"

They mirror each other in gesturing for the other to speak, and then Steve smiles, feeling awkward. "No, you go ahead."

"Danny's gone?" Brad asks, his eyes never leaving Steve's face.

Steve nods, swallowing as hard as his heart is now beating. He shouldn't be here; shouldn't be wanting this. He can't say anything else though – and can't seem to make himself move away – nor can he stop drowning in Brad's chocolate-brown eyes.

Brad licks his lips slowly, perhaps not come-on so much, more as if he doesn't know what to do.He doesn't realize what it does to Steve; something snaps inside him and he steps forward, right into Brad's personal space, and taking hold of Brad's face – gently, but firmly – he kisses him.

There isn't any resistance, and the kiss is perfect; the intimate caress of lips something Steve can't remember the like of, even with Cath with whom he's been closer to than anyone in his whole adult life. 

After a moment, Steve's aware that Brad's hands are pulling him closer, and their lip-lock becomes more needy; both of them are getting into it so deeply, he can feel what it's doing to Brad, who can't be missing what's happening with Steve either. Steve pulls back enough to gasp a breath, and then he's back, winding his arms around Brad's body, and pushing him gently backwards into the room.

Brad hasn't turned the light on and there's only moonlight coming in through the open curtains to illuminate what they're doing. Steve doesn't stop to think; he keeps kissing Brad as he backs him towards the bed. And for someone who doesn't want to hurt his favourite cousin, Brad is not only allowing what Steve is doing, but is positively encouraging it. 

There's another pause in the kissing where they both pull their shirts off, and Steve strokes a hand down Brad's perfectly chiseled body, watching his hand as it moves on Brad's skin as he shivers under the touch, and then they're drawn back together, wet lips opening to one another as they taste each other's mouths. Steve is more excited than he's been in forever; it's impossible to tell if it's because this is another man – something and _someone_ new and different – or just that it's _Brad_.

Despite all these thoughts going through his head, Steve's not thinking about the obvious – about Cath – and he's conscious of purposely pushing that aside to focus on the sensations he's feeling. He pushes Brad down onto Mary's narrow old single bed; onto the wrinkled sheets that Brad has been lying between, and they keep making out, pressing their aroused bodies against each other through the pants they both still wear.

Brad's hand is sliding down the back of Steve's jeans before Steve manages to pull away again, and suddenly it hits him how real this is. He stops kissing Brad, muttering, "Shit." He swallows hard, and flops onto his back beside Brad on the bed, staring at the ceiling like Cath is watching in horror from up there.

Brad is breathing heavily next to him, echoing the sounds Steve is making, and it's a couple of minutes before either of them moves.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Brad murmurs and starts to move. Steve grabs his arm to stop him from leaving the bed, and Brad turns his head, frowning. Steve can barely make out the expression in the dimness, but it's obvious Brad's finding this as difficult as Steve.

"I'm sorry," Steve says, still holding onto Brad. "I don't know what came over me."

Brad just looks at him, light from the quarter-moon making his eyes glint.

Loosening the hand around Brad's arm, Steve's touch turns into a caress. "I can't make myself not want this."

Brad takes a shaky breath. "I can't either, and that's exactly why we shouldn't do it."

He doesn't move though, and they're staring into each other's eyes for several long seconds as Steve's fingers stir up goose-bumps on Brad's arm and neither of them makes any move to leave the bed.

Steve hasn't ever done anything more than this with another guy before, but the fight he's having inside about not doing more – because of Cath – and wanting to, is tipping back and forth between what he knows he already has and what might just be something amazing. 

And it's gathering a crazy momentum that may make him go insane before the night is out. 

Steve closes his eyes, trying to convince himself that this is wrong. He never thought that Brad would give in to it so easily, but now he’s shown how difficult it is for him too, it's hard to see this 'thing' between them as anything but completely right.

He takes a breath and lets go of Brad, pulling away and climbing off the bed. It feels like the most difficult thing he's ever done, and if Brad says anything to make him stay, he knows he's going to change his mind. "You're right," he gets out eventually, his voice sounding shaky. "And I have to break up with Cath before we do something we won't be able to explain to her."

Brad just nods from where he's pulled himself up onto his elbows on the bed, though Steve can see the want in his eyes, even in the low light.

Steve turns and leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He heads for his own room, cursing himself silently. How he could even let it get this far is beyond him, but God! He still wants it; he's still hard for Brad, and it's all he can do to make it to the shower and strip off his clothes before he starts touching himself, imagining it's Brad's hand rather than his own.

~//~ 

When Steve wakes up, it's barely light, and the quiet susurration of the sea is the only sound. Steve sits bolt upright at the memory of what he almost did last night. He suddenly remembers that he hasn't even texted Cath to let her know that Brad's stayed over. She's probably sleeping off the partying from last night, and he imagines she will have guessed Brad stayed here, if she wasn't too drunk to remember Steve was supposed to be delivering him to her place at some point late last night.

He feels guilty, even though he and Brad didn't go very far. He knows what he has to do, and the sooner the better, though he can't imagine how Cath will take this. And should he admit it's Brad he's interested in; should he even tell her about suddenly wanting a man?

Getting out of bed quietly, Steve finds his swim trunks and slips into them. He heads down the hallway, but stops outside Brad's door, unable to help himself. Quietly, he puts an ear to the door, but it's silent. Should he check that Brad is still here? He stands still, indecisive, for a few seconds, and then – like the coward he is – he moves past and pads quietly down the stairs.

Outside, the sun is just beginning to rise and Steve gazes at the beauty of another day beginning. It's some seconds before he realizes that he's not alone on the lanai, and he jumps, reaching for the gun he doesn't have until the figure huddled on the seat by the water rises, letting go of the blanket wrapped around him and turns toward Steve.

"Brad. I didn't…"

"Expect me here? I know. I should have guessed you'd be an early riser." He grins lopsidedly and Steve's heart contracts at the attractive expression.

"Did… did you sleep?"

"Eventually, but… well…" he gestures vaguely at his obvious restlessness. "We should talk, but if you're going for a swim… I could make coffee while you're gone."

Steve swallows, and then shakes his head. What's the point of putting it off? "I can swim later. I'll make coffee now. Inside or out?"

"I've been out here long enough. Inside."

Steve nods and turns to go back indoors. He's aware of Brad collecting the blanket from the chair and following him. 

Putting on the coffee, Steve moves about the room, finding mugs, spoons, cream and sugar – anything to keep himself busy and not in touching distance of Brad – while the coffee maker does its job. Brad sits at the table, watching Steve with a particularly endearing hang-dog expression on his attractive face that says he feels as guilty as Steve does about what happened last night.

Finally the coffee is ready and Steve pours them each a cup before taking a seat opposite Brad and pushing things across the table for him to fix his coffee to his own taste. Steve's drinking it black this morning, like it might help keep him from falling back into the spell he was under last night.

"I'm definitely going to break up with her," is the first things Steve says after the long silence they have both maintained while the coffee was brewing.

"That's probably a wise idea," Brad says without looking at Steve. He blows gently on his own coffee after he's added such a tiny amount of cream that Steve can't help wondering what the point of it was. He's been watching Brad's hands – such beautiful hands – the whole time so that he won't be tempted by the deep pools of the man's eyes.

It's like delirium, Steve thinks now, studying those hands. Every part of the man fascinates him; has him wanting to touch. How could sex with him be any less intoxicating than kissing and touching him last night was? 

Despite how much he still wants exactly the same thing – and then some – Steve isn't sure what Brad wants, and maybe he's just come to his senses where Steve hasn't, and this talk is going to be all about how nothing further is going to happen between them. 

Steve hasn't spoken since Brad's last words, and Brad finally looks up. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you." He pauses, swallowing more coffee and focusing away from Steve once more. "And I don't mean after you left last night. I'm talking about since Thanksgiving." 

He meets Steve's eyes again, and Steve can't say a thing. His heart is thumping steadily in his chest and he stares at Brad mindlessly, unable to form a single word of reply.

"I don't want to hurt Cath," Brad says after a few moments. "But I want you. I wasn't completely sure you felt as strongly until last night, but… you were right."

"Right? About what?"

"About why I came here. I had to know… and…" Brad pauses again, wrapping his hands further around the coffee cup as he licks at his lips. "I know what I said – what I told you about Cath – but I had to know if there was any possibility of something with you."

Steve's emotions are sawing to and fro as he listens; he doesn't want to hurt Cath any more than Brad says he does, but there's no way he can be the better man here and walk away from Brad if there's even the slightest chance they could make something of the mutual attraction between them.

"You know if we… if we get together, there's no way this won't affect Cath, don't you?" Steve gets out with difficulty.

Brad nods, dropping his eyes so that his sooty eyelashes shadow his flawless skin. "I should talk to her; explain."

"I can't let you do that. It's me who's letting her down."

Raising his eyes again, Brad says, "We're both letting her down. It's worse from me in a way; I'm the one who's always been in her life. She'll hate me for a while, but… I have to believe she'll understand. In all honesty, we've talked… well, not about this exactly, but about love at first sight, and what we'd do if it happened. I can remind her about that."

"Love?" Steve asks, stunned. "You're in love with me?"

Brad studies Steve's eyes for a couple of beats, and it occurs to Steve that his reaction must sound like this is more one-sided than it actually is, but before he can speak, Brad nods, his eyes still on Steve's. 

He's taken a risk, all things considered, and Steve searches his own feelings, probing at his connection to Cath, and while there are parts of it that are sound, there are most definitely more doubts about it than there should be, while what he's been feeling for Brad has strengthened somehow since Brad's confession. It's like he's been rocking unsteadily in a rowboat ever since he met Brad, and now the anchor has been firmly cast, the rocking has stopped.

He knows what he has to do.

"I'm in love with you too. We should tell her together."

Brad shakes his head now. "I don't think so. She'll think we planned this. She'll never believe we were both as unsure about it as we claim."

Steve stands up, running a hand over his hair as he paces around the room. He stops at the window and turns back. "You're right. But it shouldn't be your job. If she's going to shoot the messenger, then it should be me. You're her favourite cousin. People split up all the time, but family's family. Ohana."

"Ohana?"

"Ohana. It's a Hawaiian word for family; more than family, really, but…"

"Isn't Cath part of your ohana then, too?

"Yes, but you said it: you've known her, been part of her family longer. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that. Me, she can live without if she has to."

Brad looks like he's thinking this through. "I've never been one to shy away from difficult situations, but maybe I should let you have this one."

Nodding, Steve moves towards Brad, putting a hand on his shoulder where Brad is still seated at the table, and squeezing it briefly before letting go. "Thank you," he says, like Brad has done him a favor.

~//~ 

When Steve finds his phone there is already a text from Cath that he needs to reply to. She's guessed that Brad has stayed at Steve’s – the message is timed at 3am and the wording is just off enough to suggest she was a little drunk when she sent it. At least she didn’t panic when Steve didn't reply at that hour – either that or she fell immediately asleep – and Steve takes the easy way out and replies to say he's bringing Brad over to her place now.

As he is loading Brad's bags into the truck, Cath's reply comes in and he manages a smile at her comment about them keeping their voices down when they arrive as she's not feeling too great, even though he's nervous as hell about how this will go. 

~//~

Steve and Brad don't exchange many words on their way over to Cath's. Steve's too busy thinking about what he's going to say that he can't spare the time to consider what must be going through Brad's head. 

As they pull up outside her house, he manages a nervous smile in Brad's direction. "Here goes nothing."

Brad's expression tightens, but he doesn't speak as they get out of the truck and gather Brad's bags.

Cath opens the door as they come up the path, and she obviously senses that something is off as soon as she sees them because she frowns first at Brad and then at Steve. "What did you do?"

Steve stops, a frown of his own forming. "Me? Why do you assume I did something?"

"I don't know; maybe it's because you're looking guilty." Cath's hands are on her hips and she glances at Brad, an eyebrow quirking in surprise as she studies his expression. "You look guilty too," she tells Brad slowly, the confusion in her voice obvious.

"I'm sorry," Brad offers. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"Cath, we should talk," Steve puts in quickly, giving a warning look in Brad's direction.

"What exactly do we need to talk about?" Cath directs at Brad, virtually ignoring Steve.

Steve lurches forward, taking Cath's arm and steering her back towards the house. "Give us a moment, Brad," he says over his shoulder as Brad stands there, his bag dangling from one hand.

"Steve!" Cath admonishes him as he shuts the door behind them. "Do you realize how rude you're being?"

"You might want to sit down for this," Steve tells her, a hand still on her arm. He guides her toward a chair.

She shakes his hand off, but sits down – warily – before asking, "What is this all about?" 

"I'm really sorry, Cath."

"Sorry? For what?" The look in her eyes says she gets that he's not apologizing for being rude to Brad, but that she has no idea what's coming.

Steve licks his lips, delaying. He's been thinking about this all the way over here, but he still has no idea how he's going to tell her. Maybe someone like Danny would have the words, but action is Steve's thing, not words.

Cath's looking at him now like he's losing it, and maybe he is. This is not how he's pictured the end between them, if he's pictured it at all.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he says softly, and it looks like Cath is about to interrupt, so he goes on quickly, taking a seat opposite her and focusing on his hands rather than her eyes, "and you have to know I love you - but it's not _enough_. You deserve more than I can offer, so…." He takes a deep breath and looks up to meet her stunned expression. "I have to break things off between us before I make things any worse."

Cath just looks at him – that deer-in-the-headlights look on her face – for a few moments.

He can't speak again either, until she says something. His heart is thudding in his chest – more quickly than normal but nowhere near as fast as it was before he spoke. At least the words are out now – no matter how clumsy they were.

"Because you couldn't deal with collecting Brad from the airport while I went out with my girlfriends?" Cath asks, like none of this makes sense and she's plucked out the only excuse she can think of for him wanting to end it.

"No!" Steve lets out, shaking his head. He knows she's going to need more than this, and he promised Brad he'd explain it. "Because I wanted it too much," he finally offers, giving her what he knows is a pained look. He prays that she'll get it from the far too simple sentence, because he really doesn't want to get into what's happened between him and Brad.

Cath appears to be processing his words, but he's not sure if she's understood.

If he thought being in the Navy SEALS was hard, this proves there are still tougher things to deal with. He knows he needs to man up and own it, and the only way to do that is to be completely honest.

"I'm in love with him."

"What?" Cath stands up slowly. "I could swear you just said you're in love with 'him', but I must have misheard."

"You didn't mishear." 

"With who?"

He swallows. "Brad. I'm sorry, Cath; I know this is a shock, but I had to tell you before anything else happens."

There's a flash of anger in her eyes now. "What do you mean, anything _else_? Are you saying you've slept together? I don't believe that. Brad would never do that to me."

"No, we haven't… he wouldn't… I wouldn't, but-"

"You're dumping me for my cousin?" Cath all but yells. "Get out! Get out of here right now. I don't believe you!" She's angry, but there are tears in her eyes too as she yanks the door open and gestures for him to leave. She won't meet his eyes now, but she hasn't acknowledged Brad waiting awkwardly a few steps outside either.

"Cath," Steve tries.

"Fuck off," she grits out, "and don't come back."

As Steve reluctantly moves through the doorway and down the stairs, Brad gives him a sympathetic look and turns to Cath like he's going to say something.

She finally looks at Brad as Steve turns back. "Is it true?" she asks Brad.

Brad flicks a glance at Steve, who nods, contrite. Looking back at Cath, Brad speaks quietly, resignation in his tone. "Yes."

"And do you love _him_?"

Brad swallows loudly, but speaks softly, "Yes."

"Then you can fuck off too," she says tightly, her voice shaking as she slams the door in their faces.

~//~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a talk with Danny, another conversation with Cath, and Brad hangs with Kono for a while

Steve hasn't experienced anything like this before and has no idea what to do beyond bringing Brad back to his house. The journey is as silent as the one that preceded it, but for slightly different reasons.

As they stop in Steve's driveway, Brad says, "Maybe I should stay at a hotel."

Steve looks at him in surprise. "You don't have to do that. You're welcome to stay in the spare room here as long as you need to."

Brad gives him an odd look. "I don't have to tell you what could happen if I do… and I don't want to alienate Cath any more than we already have. If she finds out I'm staying with you, she'll assume the worst."

He's got a point. Steve bites at his lip in thought and then reaches for his phone. "I have a friend who can probably help." He dials Kono as Brad nods warily. "Kono? You have a spare room, don't you? Would a friend be able to stay with you for a few days?"

Her reply has his lip quirking. "Ha, ha. Yes, I do have friends other than Danny as it happens. And no, he can't stay with me." He pauses as she comments again, and rolls his eyes, imagining her face as she speaks. "Yes, it's a him. Are you home now? Can I bring him over? I'll explain everything when we get there." 

He cuts the connection and meets Brad's eyes. "Kono works with me; she's also a good friend. She knows Cath too, so I'm going to have to tell her enough that she won't push us back in Cath's direction too quickly – she may even be able to talk to her… are you good with that?"

Brad's eyebrows are raised. 

"What?" Steve asks.

"You're really going to tell this Kono about us? I mean, I have no problem with that, but…"

"But what?"

"You don't care if she knows? You've been dating Cath… I assume she thinks you're straight?"

Steve's heart is thudding suddenly. Brad's right; Steve hasn't really thought this through. Danny knows more than Kono does after last night, although Steve hasn't been in touch with Danny yet today and… maybe he should call him. Considering their conversation and what's happened since then – how Danny warned him about something like this happening – the last thing Steve needs right now is a 'told-you-so' conversation with Danny.

"It'll be okay," Steve decides, "We don't have to go into the whole thing." He starts the car and backs out of the driveway again.

~//~ 

"Of course it's okay," Kono says as she's seeing Steve off. She's welcomed Brad in with open arms, even though Steve hasn't told her _exactly_ what's happened. 

He's just said that Brad and Cath are cousins and that they've had a falling out; that he feels he can't be considered neutral in this since Cath's none too happy with him either for 'being on Brad's side'. It's not exactly a lie, while not precisely being the truth, but it seems it's enough for Kono. She hasn't pushed for details of the disagreement, and she seems to have taken to Brad instantly, which helps. 

Brad's getting settled into Kono's spare room while she walks Steve back to his truck. "I'm only surprised you asked me and not Danny, or are you concerned that he won't be comfortable alone with Brad in his house?"

Steve frowns at her out the window of the truck as he pushes the key into the ignition. "What do you mean?"

"You really need to ask?" she says, curving a sympathetic brow.

"You mean… because he's…" Steve's finding it difficult to talk suddenly.

"Yeah," Kono replies softly, "or is that the real reason you don't want him staying with _you_?"

His heart thumps erratically. He wonders idly how he's managed not to have a heart-attack yet. 

How much has she guessed? "Look, it's… it's not what you think, Kono. I can't go into it right now, but… I need some space, and so does Brad. I'll go and see Cath tomorrow and try to sort this mess out, but… in the meantime-"

"Don't worry, Steve. I'm not going to say anything out of place. If Brad wants to talk, I'll listen, but if not… well, I know you'll do what's right."

Steve just looks at her for a second, his heart still playing the bongos. He has no idea if her words mean what he's thinking, but he can't even form a sentence right now. He nods his thanks, smiles tightly, and starts the car. She backs away as he reverses out of the drive; a thoughtful look on her face. If she hasn't worked it out, he's pretty sure she will soon enough – whether Brad tells her everything or not; she's just that intuitive.

Meanwhile, Steve tries not to think about how awkward his parting with Brad has been, and how guilty he feels about this whole situation. He needs to do something to relieve the tension, and almost wishes Five-0 had a case to deal with – except that he wants Brad to have Kono for company at the moment – to give him something else to think about.

The next best thing is for him to get some exercise, so he heads home to change for a run along the beach and a swim. He pushes himself hard, knowing the more he has to concentrate on his breathing, the less time he'll have to dwell on the error of his ways.

~//~

An hour later he's just wading out of the ocean into his own backyard, the endorphins of his exertion coursing through his body and easing the stress a little, when he realizes that someone is waiting for him on the lanai.

It's Danny, of course.

"Hey," he manages as he grabs his towel and roughly dries off. Guilt courses through him anew, although he has no reason to suspect Danny knows any more than he did yesterday.

"And there he is, Mr. Exercise Machine himself," Danny remarks, grinning at him over the cup of coffee he's had time to brew and drink half of. He must have got here not long after Steve headed out for his run.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Steve asks, avoiding Danny's eyes and trying to remain calm.

"I was thinking about what we discussed before, and I thought maybe we should talk some more."

That sends Steve's heart racing yet again; what exactly does he mean? The 'I told you so' he's been expecting is probably going to turn into a lecture from hell, given what Steve's just done to ruin not one but two relationships with Cath. Danny doesn’t know yet, of course, but it's not going to be something Steve will be able to keep from him for long.

"Hey," Danny says, concern etching his face as he puts down his coffee cup and sits forward. "Are you okay? You look like someone just told you your dog died."

Steve takes a breath and tries to smile. He can never quite understand how Danny reads him so well, but apparently he gives away much more in his face than he realizes. "It's okay, Danny. You can relax; I'm not going to fall apart. But…" He wipes a stray drop of water off his face, and sits down in another lawn chair next to Danny's. "I've screwed up, Danny."

Danny lifts one corner of a lip, concern in his eyes. "In what way?" he asks softly, dropping his eyes like he knows exactly what Steve is going to say next.

It's hard for Steve to admit that he has no idea what to do next, but he desperately needs a sympathetic ear. 

"Last night, after you left… I… I…" He can't get it out, no matter what he was planning.

But Danny's not stupid; he'd warned Steve of this very thing. "You did something with Brad?" 

There's no reproach in his tone, but the disappointed look in Danny's eyes is almost too much to bear. Steve looks away, nodding.

"What happened?"

"We kissed; there was some… petting…" He winces, feeling silly at using such a term, but unsure how else to say it. "And then we stopped." 

He half-turns back to Danny, sneaking a look at his face; is somewhat relieved that the expression there isn't as dark as he's expected. He forges on, since Danny hasn't filled the gap with words of his own. "This morning we talked, and I told him I was going to break up with Cath. We agreed that I'd tell her about… about us, and…" He swallows hard, but his throat feels thick and he can't get anything more out.

Danny's eyes have dropped away already, and he says soft and slow, "Let me guess: she didn't take it well?" He raises his eyes, meeting Steve's with an expression that seems to be a mix of sympathy and expectation that this would happen.

"No," Steve gets out, almost choking on it. "Understatement of the year. She threw us both out."

Danny looks around, frowning, like he's just noticed the lack of Brad in the vicinity. "Where's Brad now?"

"Kono's."

Eyebrows shooting straight up, Danny asks, "You told Kono?"

"No, not… not everything. I think she's guessed some, but… Brad's staying with her until I have time to think."

"That's a wise move at least; the rest of it is pretty dumb."

"You think I don't know that?" Steve rubs a hand across his short hair, exasperation in his tone. "I never meant any of this to happen." He stands up, grabs his towel and heads inside. His face is hot and his heart is aching. 

Danny follows, barely giving Steve enough space to breathe, let alone formulate thoughts on where to go with this. "You said you didn't want to hurt Cath; how could you be so stupid?"

Steve swings around to face Danny, hurt at the anger he's hearing now. "I know, but Jesus, Danny, haven't you ever been tempted to do something you knew you shouldn't? It's not that easy when temptation walks right into your path and the one person who shouldn't be encouraging it makes it possible."

Danny's eyebrows go up and he takes a step back. "Are you saying this is _Cath's_ fault?"

Steve's anger drops away as fast as it arrived; or at least the only person he's really angry with is himself, so it's pointless to direct it outwards. "No, I'm not blaming her. This is my fault, and I'll figure out how to fix it."

Danny just looks at him for a second, his eyes speculative.

"What?"

"You always think you can fix things. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you shouldn't try?"

Steve's confused, and he frowns. "What do you mean? Of course I have to fix it."

There's a shake of Danny's head and he turns towards the coffee machine to top up the half-cup he's still carrying. "You _don't_ have to. Leave Brad alone, and he and Cath will find each other and take up being BFFs and cousins all by themselves. They'll move on, and then so can you. If you keep trying to 'fix' things, you're likely to cause a permanent rift between them, and Cath will hate you forever." 

He sips from the coffee cup and faces Steve again. "If you're really as into something with a guy as this situation implies, there are plenty of others out there. Any of them… would… would be lucky to have you." He looks at Steve with something like wistfulness in his eyes.

Steve is so taken aback he says nothing for a moment. Danny's words about other guys do make a kind of sense, but Steve hasn't seriously considered anything like that as the answer to his problem since Brad arrived. "So, you're saying I should just walk away from both of them?"

Danny shrugs and turns away, raising his coffee cup like he's desperate to drink the contents, but Steve's not convinced that's all there is to the action.

"You say something like that and expect me to just do it? I don't think I can." Steve chooses to ignore the other thing – what Danny almost touched on the other night – he's got enough to think about. "I… I care about Brad – and Catherine too, of course – but he feels the same way about me, and I don't… I'm not sure I can abandon that."

There's a silence that tells Steve Danny's not impressed, but that can't be helped. He suddenly realizes he's still dripping from his swim, and he says, "Look, I need a shower, and then I need to… well, it doesn't matter since you obviously don't approve. You should probably go."

Danny puts his cup in the sink without looking at Steve, nodding his head as if he knows his words have been futile. He heads for the back door, again without speaking.

"Danny?"

"Yeah?" Danny stops, but he doesn't turn for a moment, and Steve frowns, unwilling to think on what's going on in his head.

"Thanks for the advice. I'm sorry I'm… such a… disappointment."

Danny glances back over his shoulder. "You're not; you're doing exactly what you need to do, and since that makes you who you are, I can't be disappointed."

While Steve tries to figure out exactly what that means, Danny disappears out the door. Steve shakes his head, bewildered by the exchange, and turns to go upstairs.

~//~ 

It's surprising, but there have been no calls to work, and Steve is knocking on Catherine's door at 3pm that afternoon. He takes a step back as he waits, uncertain of her reaction once she sees who it is.

Her eyes widen when she opens the door and he can see the flush of anger beginning on her cheeks. "You've got a nerve."

Steve holds up a hand. "Wait, Cath. I'm sorry about this whole thing. I wanted to explain properly. It's not Brad's fault and you shouldn't blame him."

"Blame him? I don't blame him, Steve; I blame you!" Her hands are on her hips as she glares at him. "I'm angry with him right now, but once he sees sense and tells you where to shove it – and I don't mean that in a pleasant way – then I'll be happy to see him again. You, on the other hand-"

"Please, Cath!" Steve interjects, moving forward.

She moves back, starting to close the door. "Don't you touch me."

He gets a foot in the doorway, stopping the door from closing. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen; you have to believe me. But I can't keep pretending it hasn't."

"Pretend whatever you like, but don't involve me. I can't believe… you must have been laughing at me the whole time we were visiting my family and since we've been home; maybe even before that." There are tears in her eyes now, and her face is beginning to crumple, although she's still holding the door firm so his foot is trapped.

Steve blinks, his own tears not as far away as he'd have liked; he hates seeing her so distressed. "I never laughed at you. I hate this. It wasn't supposed to happen."

"You think? How long have you been pretending you loved me, Steve? How many other guys have there been?"

"None!" he says loudly, and then realizing how public this discussion is, glances around himself before adding, "Open the door, Cath, please? We shouldn't be talking about this out here."

"We shouldn't be talking about this _at all_ ," she replies, but she relents and opens the door.

He enters and follows her through to the living room. "Can we sit?"

She shrugs, arms crossed across her chest, still frowning, but she's blinked back her tears and looks at him stoically.

"Come on, Cath. We've been together a long time. I don't think it should end like this." He gestures for her to take a chair, and after a long moment she does. He sits opposite, hopeful that he's gaining some ground. "I'm sorry; I really am. I had no idea…"

Her eyes fly to his. "No idea what? That you'd fall for Brad, or that you were gay? Because I find that very hard to believe. You're thirty-six years old, Steve. You can't tell me that by this age you didn't have a clue you liked men. I don't buy it."

"I'm not gay. At least… I don't think I am. I like women; I love _you_. But Brad… I have no idea if it's just him, or if it could have happened with someone else…" Danny is suddenly in his head, but he shuts that thought down before it can take hold. "…but this is as new to me as it is to you, I promise you."

Cath snorts and looks away. She shakes her head and meets his gaze once more. "You're lying to yourself as well as me, if you think that's true."

"Cath…" Steve reaches across the space between them, taking her hand before she can pull away, and looks earnestly into her deep brown eyes that he's always loved. "I do love you, Cath, but… this is beyond me. I didn't ask for it, and if Brad didn't want it too I'd try to forget it and walk away. But he _does_ want it, and much as I wish I wouldn't, I can't stop thinking about him. I need… I dunno, to get it out of my system, maybe?"

She listens to this calmly, allowing him to hold her hand, but at the last sentence she splutters disbelieving noises and pulls away sharply, getting to her feet and walking across the room. She opens the door, and looks back at him. "Get out," she says in a low, threatening voice, "and don't think that once you get it _out of your system_ you can come groveling back. If that's all this is about, why in hell did you have to choose _my_ cousin to do it with? Just leave."

Steve gets to his feet, aware that's he completely blown it with her, and does as he's bidden, his tail firmly between his legs.

~//~ 

Steve knows he probably looks as hang-dog as he feels when Kono opens the door to him less than an hour later, but he has no solutions to this one now and figures he may as well talk to Brad.

"Let me guess," Kono says as soon as he arrives. "Things didn't go well with Cath?" When he shakes his head in agreement, she adds, "You'd better come in. Brad and I have been talking."

Steve can't help shooting her a look of shocked surprise. His heart speeds up as he wonders how much Brad has said and how much she's worked out for herself.

She doesn't say anything more yet though, and Steve keeps silent – hoping he's not going to have to talk his way out of another messy situation. She gestures for him to go out on the lanai, where Brad stands up as Steve arrives.

"I'll get us some coffee," Kono tells them and disappears before either of them can disagree.

"Hey," Brad offers, moving forward and then back again, like he is about to kiss Steve hello, but then thinks better of the idea.

"Hi," Steve replies, moving towards Brad – he's just as unsure about the appropriate behavior here – and then stops abruptly and scratches at his head.

"Let me guess, you talked to Cath again, but nothing's changed?" Brad asks. 

Steve shakes his head, and they sit down at opposite sides of the table that's there. "I tried, but I was saying all the wrong things." He eyes Brad sadly, knowing Danny's probably right after all: he should give Brad up so Cath and her cousin can make up. It's the right thing to do, even if it's the last thing he wants now. "This isn't going to work. I shouldn't have…" He trails off, looking away as a wave of guilt mixed with disappointment washes over him.

"Don't say that," Brad says, his voice laced with hurt. "I… I want this as much as you do. Christ, the times I've sat back and watched Cath walk off with guys I had no hope in hell of getting; ones she _knew_ I liked but told me would break my heart! She always said she was saving me from them, but if she only knew it wasn't them who were breaking my heart!"

Steve can't help looking back at Brad in amazement. "What? I thought… I thought you two were BFFs? Why would she do that to you?"

Brad looks close to tears. "I don't think she did it on purpose… I mean, she probably did it for the right reasons, but it always felt like it was proof she could have any boy she wanted, and that I shouldn't even bother." He half-laughs; it's a strangled-sounding noise that chips at Steve's heart.

Before he thinks too hard on it, Steve's up and around the table. Brad stands up in surprise as Steve reaches him, and Steve tilts Brad's head back so he can kiss him. Brad's arms go around Steve as he opens his mouth to Steve's tongue. Steve can taste the minty freshness of toothpaste on his breath. He can't get enough, and they're pressing into each other like dogs in heat when Kono comes out with the coffee.

"Uh, maybe I should go back inside," Kono says, her eyes wide as she stands there in the doorway, holding a tray with three cups on it.

Steve and Brad draw apart quickly.

Steve is painfully aware of exactly what the clinch has done for both of them, but he can't be rude to Kono, and she more than deserves an explanation after what she's just witnessed.

Brad obviously feels the same, as he instantly says, "No, don't do that, please?"

Turning back to Brad, Steve nods at him, then moves back around the table as he puts in, "I'm sorry, Kono. Please stay." He gestures for her to put the tray down and take a seat, hoping like hell her eyes haven't dropped too far.

She nods warily, but does as he's bid, and he and Brad sit down too.

"I know what you saw is probably a shock," Steve tells her, "and I should have told you the truth earlier-"

Kono shakes her head and cuts in with, "I pretty much figured it out already, if I'm completely honest." Her sympathetic eyes go from Steve to Brad and back again.

Brad says, "I didn't tell Kono much, but she's a smart woman, Steve. You're lucky to have her working on your team." 

"You don't have to tell me. Listen, Kono, the thing is… Catherine… she's not happy about all this, and she has every right to feel betrayed. But I assure you this wasn't planned. The thing is, no matter how much I've tried to deny what I feel for Brad, I can't."

"Nor can I," Brad adds, giving Steve a grateful look.

"I don't know how to fix things with Cath," Steve admits, "but someone suggested I shouldn't try." He looks between Kono and Brad and takes a deep breath. 

"Someone?" Kono asks, an eyebrow arching suspiciously. "Are we talking about Danny?"

Steve snorts. "I should have known you'd guess. He said if I walked away now Cath and Brad would find each other again and live happily ever after. At first I was skeptical, but the more I think about it, the more I realize he was right."

"You can't mean that," Brad puts in, his expression darkening.

Holding up a hand to forestall any other words, Steve says, "That was before you told me what you just said. And I guess a part of me is reluctant to give up on something before we'd even given it a shot. Brad?" He looks at Cath's cousin, reaching a hand across the table. "Please tell me that this isn't just your way of getting back at Cath for what's happened in the past?"

Brad's brows are drawn together, and he looks directly into Steve's eyes, deadly serious. "No, I never intended it that way, I promise." 

Steve nods, accepting the words – and Brad's expression – as genuine. "Good. I need to ask you something else."

Brad looks confused, but there's a spark of hope in his eyes that makes Steve's heart do a little dance. 

"What?" Brad asks.

"Will you stay here, in Hawaii, for a while, with me?"

Kono looks surprised for a moment; then she's grinning from ear to ear and practically vibrating as she gives Steve a thumbs-up and looks expectantly towards Brad.

"You really mean that?" Brad asks.

If it had been Danny, Steve would have offered something sarcastic in reply, but it's Brad and he doesn't want to put the guy off any longer than he already has. He's desperate to hear Brad's answer. "I really mean it."

Brad's smile widens and he meets Steve's hand with his own; they clasp them together as Brad squeezes his eyes shut for a second. He takes a breath and says, simply, "Yes."

Steve's grin is nearly as wide as Kono's.

~//~


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Brad go back to Steve's; later, there's another conversation with Danny

It's stupid to think that there won't be further heartbreak from this, but Steve can't help himself now; he's made the offer and Brad's accepted it. They'll spend time together – get to know each other – and just maybe, if it works, Cath will come to accept it.

He can hope, anyway, for Brad's sake. For his own, it doesn't matter so much – he may lose Catherine's friendship, which he doesn't really want to do, but can live with – but for Brad it's a lot more, and Steve's not sure Brad will be able to cope with that. 

It might not last – Steve's realistic about that – but he has to try; he might be missing the best chance at love he's ever had.

He and Brad drive back to his place and take Brad's bags inside. They don't say a lot but the exchanged glances are full of heat and need that Steve knows will have to be explored further before much time passes or he'll explode.

They go upstairs, Brad following close behind Steve all the way to his bedroom without either of them saying a word.

Brad dumps his bag beside Steve's bed and moves towards him with purpose. Steve can't help letting the tiny smile that has formed on his face grow wider. A shiver of need thrums through his entire body and Steve tries not to think this is just about sex – it can't be, or he's thrown away too much already for something so fleeting – and reaches for Brad.

They come together more slowly than they did last night; the kisses just as heated but more considered, more _meaningful_ , Steve decides, as he savors the touch of Brad's lips. He still tastes fresh, and there's a hint of fruit Steve didn't notice before. He pulls back to ask, his words murmured against the beginning prickle of Brad's stubble, "Pineapple juice?"

Brad turns into his mouth, hands sliding under the edges of Steve's shirt and dipping into his jeans, breathing his reply against Steve's lips, "It's supposed to make things taste better, I've heard."

Steve moves both hands over the smooth skin beneath Brad's partly-open shirt and caresses his neck and jawbone with gentle fingers. He lifts a lip in amusement. "I guess I'll have to test that out for you."

Brad draws in a shaky breath, a shudder of excitement rippling through him. "I thought you'd never ask."

Leaning in, Steve opens Brad's mouth with his own, searching for more of the taste. His hands move down, unbuttoning the crisp linen between them, allowing Steve to appreciate how firm Brad's body is – he tries not to think of how different it is to Catherine's – and how much he wants to explore every inch of it.

Brad's hands haven't been still either, and he has Steve's jeans open. They move away far enough to help divest each other of the unnecessary shirts, and their eyes don't leave each other's as they each push down their pants and quickly step out.

Then they're back in each other's arms, touching, kissing and shifting against each other. Steve can't believe he hasn't searched this out before; it feels so right. He licks below Brad's ear, grinning at the low moan that draws, and then he's sliding down to his knees in front of Brad, eyes turned upward to appreciate the look of sheer wonder on Brad's face as he stops in front of Brad's erection.

He knows it's there but he hasn't looked yet; the dark want in Brad's eyes is too amazing not to appreciate a little longer. Brad draws in a whistled breath, struggling to speak perhaps, and Steve quirks a lip before finally looking at the rigid cock in front of him. He licks his lips, unsure, but Brad's sudden whoosh of released breath has him looking upwards again; this time in question.

"You shouldn't… lick your lips like that," Brad whispers, and a bob of his cock makes Steve laugh; he hasn't even thought of what the anticipation of his words becoming real has done to Brad's equilibrium.

"Would you rather I licked something else?" Steve asks, steadying Brad with a hand on each hip.

Brad's response to the touch is another shiver, and clearly words are too much; he just nods.

Steve can't believe he's held back so far, and he puts Brad out of his misery with barely a thought on how inexperienced he is at this; he leans in, eyes flicking to what he's doing for a second before he turns them back to watch Brad's face as he tongues the head of his cock like it's an ice-cream. Brad's pleasured gasp is reward enough, and Steve's surprised at how little taste there is so far; just a hint of salt. Both things encourage him onward and he licks more firmly, surrounding the flesh with his lips at the end of the movement.

He can feel Brad trembling beneath his hands, and he guesses that he won't be able to stand for long. Encouraging Brad backward, he shuffles forward, lips still moving on the head of Brad's cock as Brad meets the bed. Steve lets Brad's cock out of his mouth momentarily as Brad falls to sitting, with Steve's hands still guiding his hips. Then he's engulfing it again, sucking it deeper into his mouth as Brad leans back on his hands on the mattress, spreading his thighs and tipping his head back with mouth open.

Steve is intoxicated by the whole thing; the control he has over Brad at this point, the subtle taste of his hot flesh and the feel of it filling his mouth. He moans around it, drawing Brad in further by curling hands around his narrow ass. Steve's hands are big enough to hold them perfectly and he uses that to help him find a rhythm that has Brad moaning in harmony, notes of his bliss growing in scale until the crescendo of his orgasm fills Steve's mouth with salty fluid.

Steve's not quite there with swallowing yet despite what he said earlier about the pineapple; he pulls back, replacing his mouth with a hand as the warm come overflows from his lips and he has to grab at his shirt from the floor to wipe it away. He tries not to think about the taste as he continues to gently stroke Brad's cock.

Brad has collapsed down to the bed, and he pushes at Steve's hand as he writhes in the afterglow of his pleasure. "Enough," he manages, sounding winded, "Get up here now! I need you."

The lowered tone of his voice increases Steve's own need – his cock feels harder than it ever has and the throb of blood through his veins sends a surge straight to his groin. He moves more quickly than Brad might have been expecting, connecting their lips as his cock presses into Brad's firm stomach. 

Brad draws Steve's tongue into his mouth, sucking gently at it in a way that Steve's never experienced before; it's hot as hell and there's something about it that tells Steve the guy is going to be fantastic at sucking cock.

Closing his eyes and moving his tongue in tune to the insistent sucking on it, Steve presses into Brad, one hand curling around the back of Brad's head as he tilts it to gain better access. Brad moans, still sucking relentlessly, if somewhat softly. It's enough to drive Steve insane; his cock is throbbing in time with the action, and he slides it back and forth on Brad's sweaty abdomen. It's not _enough_ , though; he wants more, harder, and _now!_

As if sensing that need, Brad lets go of Steve's tongue and shoves him – almost in the same movement – so Steve ends up on his back, and then Brad is sliding his hot tongue down Steve's chest, across his sternum and through his treasure trail…

"Oh God, yeah…" Steve gets out, his voice going from deep and firm on the first two words to soft and breathy on the last as Brad engulfs his cock in delicious wet heat.

He steals a look, and damn, if the sight of Brad's full lips, damp and rosy and stretched around his cock, isn't the most scorchingly hot thing Steve's seen in… forever. Much as he's always enjoyed a healthy sex-life with women before, _this_ hits something deep inside him; something that's clearly been dormant until now. He _needs_ this more than he's ever needed any form of sexual gratification before.

Brad must know what he looks like – either that or he's fathomed exactly how much _better_ this is for Steve than anything he's ever had with a woman – and his eyes hold what looks like pride sparkling in them.

It's all too much; the sensation of Brad's tongue swirling around and flicking into Steve's frenulum over and over, and then his mouth tightening around the glans at the same time sends Steve crashing into oblivion, his hips pumping wildly as he clutches at Brad's silky hair, and stutters home with eyes closed and mouth open. 

~//~

When Steve comes to, lying on his back on the bed, it's dark and Brad is sleeping against his chest. His arms are wrapped firmly around Steve, and Steve has one hand tangled in Brad's dark hair and the other is holding onto his biceps. 

Steve closes his eyes and breathes deeply, savoring the musky animal smell that should seem foreign and unappealing but doesn't. He can't regret this; it feels too right. It's still good – being wrapped up in another man like this after sex – and Steve finds it hard to believe it's taken him this long to find out something about himself which seems so natural. He thinks about all the girls – women – he's been with, and although there haven't been as many as for some of his buddies, he can't feel that any of them seemed wrong, or that he wasn't attracted to them.

Perhaps he's bisexual, or is it just Brad that affects him this way? He's drawn back to that night with the other cadet – the make-out session that went on longer than it should have and that both of them laughed off later – and allows vague memories of firm flesh and stubbled skin to solidify into something visible behind his eyelids. He studies what he sees and he _knows_ the desire he felt that night was real; he's just never allowed himself to believe it before. 

He opens his eyes and watches his hand stroke through Brad's hair. The question now is whether he actually wants to seek more than just this with Brad. He feels what seems like love for the guy – he wants to get to know him better – that has to mean it's about more than sex, doesn't it? What he saw of Brad when he was with his family told him that this was someone with strength and self-awareness; a sense of both family and his own individuality, and that kind of quiet determination has always appealed to Steve.

Decided, he smiles as Brad mutters softly in his sleep, tickling Steve's skin where he lies, and then Steve closes his eyes again, relaxing into slumber once more.

~//~

The next time Steve wakes, he and Brad have moved apart and he's on his stomach. He turns his face towards the middle of the bed, blinking in the early morning light as he sees that Brad is awake, lying on his side and smiling fondly at him.

"Hey," he gets out through a morning-thick throat.

"Morning." Brad's voice is clearer, soft but assured, like he has absolutely no regrets about any of this, despite how Catherine has reacted.

Steve shifts onto his own side, facing Brad. He reaches for Brad's jaw, a tingle of remembered lust dancing from the touch of skin against his fingertips to pool low in his stomach.

Brad leans towards him and they kiss, gentle and unhurried, but with an insistency that stirs the feeling in Steve's gut and sends further ripples of need to other places.

"Mmm," Brad murmurs against his lips as they pull each other in, sinking into the desire like drowning men.

~//~ 

It's over an hour later when Steve wakes from the post-coital daze he's been in for fifteen minutes or so. It's been a long time since he felt relaxed enough to do that, he realizes. He stretches leisurely, and sits up, smiling fondly at Brad, who is spread out on his stomach next to him, still out cold.

Steve slips out the side of the bed, dragging on a pair of shorts and then flipping a t-shirt over his head as he leaves the room. He pads downstairs, still smiling, and heads for the kitchen to put the coffee on. 

He's sipping coffee and reading the paper a short while later when there's a knock on the door. Steve's eyes widen and he feels his heart speed up. Who can it be? Not Catherine, surely?

As he moves through the living room to answer the door, Brad comes to the top of the stairs wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Steve briefly thinks how good he looks with hair rumpled from sleep, returning his attention to the door as the knock sounds again. He glances back at Brad; their eyes meet and Steve sees the worry he's feeling mirrored in Brad's. Neither speaks though, and Steve takes a deep breath, nodding reassurance at Brad as he reaches for the door knob.

"What took you so long?" Danny barges in without being invited and pushes past Steve, heading for the kitchen without noticing Brad.

Steve isn't sure what mood Danny is in, or whether he's ready for him to observe Steve and Brad together yet. He'll have to tell him that things have progressed – he can't keep something so important from his best friend – but he'd rather do that before he parades Brad as his lover in front of Danny. Giving Brad an eyebrow raise to indicate he should keep out of sight for a while longer, Steve waits until Brad nods understanding and disappears back along the hallway, before he follows Danny. 

"Hey, Danny," Steve manages nervously, as Danny checks the coffee machine and then turns to frown at Steve. The expression says he's noticed something odd about Steve's manner. "What?"

"Hmm." Danny doesn't use words at first – odd for him – but looks Steve up and down curiously before reaching for a couple of mugs and setting them down in front of the machine. 

Steve licks his lips, his heart thudding noisily in his chest. He's afraid of what Danny's seen and gives himself a quick look – surely he hasn't got any evidence of last night's activities on him – before raising a questioning eyebrow in Danny's direction.

Danny's folded his arms across his t-shirted chest and is leaning against the counter still staring oddly at Steve. It's too weird having Danny look at him like this without speaking; what in hell is he thinking?

"Do you want to tell me what's on your mind?" Steve finally asks when the scrutiny becomes too much. He moves to the fridge under the guise of finding the cream inside as he avoids Danny's all-too-knowing gaze.

"There's something different about you today," Danny says, suspicion in his voice.

"Oh?" Steve asks, leaning inside the fridge and studying the contents like he's lost the cream.

"You're not fooling anyone, you know."

Steve knows he can't hide much longer, and he picks up the cream and shuts the fridge, turning back towards Danny and meeting his eyes with what he hopes is a confident look. Sure, he's going to tell him, but the way Danny thinks he's got Steve figured is enough to make him resist straight out admitting he's slept with Brad. "About what exactly?"

"You're still freaking out about this whole thing with Cath and her cousin, aren't you?"

Steve lets out a breath. Maybe Danny hasn't got him figured completely, but he knows Steve pretty well; it's as much that as anything, in truth. 

"You got me," he admits as he hands Danny the cream.

Danny's frown deepens for a second, but he doesn't suggest there's anything more going on. "You know, maybe it's not as big a deal as you're making it."

Steve leans back against the counter where he stands, hands against the edge on either side of himself. "How so?"

"I think…" Danny pauses as he pours the coffee. "… you're scared out of your wits that you might be homosexual, and that it's going to change things with everyone and everything you know if anyone finds out."

It's not actually something that's crossed Steve's mind, in fact – he's been too focused on the issue with Catherine – and he looks at Danny in surprise.

Danny goes on like he thinks he knows exactly what's in Steve's head. "Catherine's reaction probably seems like the tip of the iceberg, and you're probably thinking that just because _I_ haven't completely abandoned you doesn't mean I won't. You've been left in one way or another too many times for you to believe that this won't be just like all the other times. And Brad… well, even if something did develop, what's to say he'll even stick around, right?"

Steve frowns, his hands gripping the countertop more tightly. "You really think that's what's bugging me the most about this?"

Danny spreads his hands, his expression curious. "You tell me."

This is where Steve needs to man up and tell Danny exactly where things stand with him and Brad. He takes a deep breath as Danny pours cream into their coffee mugs. "Maybe it is time I told you exactly what's going on with me."

Handing him a mug, Danny nods. "Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. You want to sit?"

"Outside, by the water," Steve decides, gesturing with his head and letting Danny go ahead.

They wander to the end of the garden and sit down in the beach chairs in silence. Steve sips cautiously from his coffee and gazes out over the serene-looking sea before speaking. It's easier when he's not looking at Danny.

"Brad and I are together," he says simply, in the end. "Cath doesn't want to have anything to do with either of us."

"What?" Danny leans forward from the relaxed position he's been in, and turns to Steve, almost spilling his coffee in the process. "Are you kidding me?"

Steve finally looks at Danny, confused by the expression he sees in Danny's eyes. "No, I'm not kidding. I tried talking to Cath yesterday, but… " He gestures something that vaguely means 'no dice', and continues, "Anyway, I went back to Kono's to see him, and… we ended up back here, together."

" _Together_ together?" Danny looks stunned. He abandons his coffee completely, standing up and walking away from Steve, before turning back and pacing the other way past him. 

Steve stands too, placing his mug on the armrest of his chair, running his hand through his hair and stepping closer to the water. "We slept together last night."

"What exactly do you think is going to happen next?" Danny asks, shaking his head like he can't believe Steve could be this much of an idiot. "You can't believe he's going to move here for you… or… are you planning to move to Portland to be with him?"

"We haven't thought that far ahead."

"Jesus, Steve…"

"What, Danny?" Steve's starting to get angry. Danny might be his best friend, but what gives him the right to be so upset about all this? It's not like… and Steve refuses to even go _there_.

Danny makes an exasperated sound. "You haven't thought this through at all. Okay, you've broken up with Cath, but it's not just about her – and that's going to cause the biggest rift you can imagine in her family – there are other considerations here. But what am I saying?" he throws his hands up and shakes his head again, still pacing and not looking at Steve. "What will Brad do here – hasn't he got a life back there? Or who's going to run Five-0 if you leave? What would you even do in Portland?"

"Hey, slow down a minute," Steve interjects, his brows tight. "Most of that doesn't affect you. Anyway, you could run Five-0 without me – and have when I've been away. Why does this bug you so much?"

Danny stops dead and looks straight at Steve, his eyes dark oceans of blue. "Because you're my best friend. I had no one here – apart from Grace – when I arrived. Despite my better judgment, you… and Five-0… became a huge reason for me staying. I don't want to see you making a mistake you'll regret. You have _us_ – me, Grace, Chin, Kono, even Grover – your ohana, here! What have you got in Portland, aside from Brad?" He says Brad's name like it's dirty somehow.

"I didn't say I'm leaving yet. Maybe Brad will stay here; I don't know. We haven't talked about that." Steve's anger has bled away, despite Danny's put-down. He feels like he's let Danny down somehow; this shouldn't be so hard. "He's going to stay with me a while, see where this is leading… we'll work it out, Danny, I promise."

Danny snorts, pushing his hands in his pockets, and turns to sigh out over the ocean. "I hope so, because it's a lot to throw away."

Steve feels the pain of Danny's disapproval eat into his heart; somehow his disappointment is way worse than bearing the brunt of Cath's anger.

"It doesn't have to be like that," Steve says after a moment. "Portland's not that far away. We can visit."

Danny turns to look at him, a question in his eyes. He opens his mouth, like he's going to voice it, then closes it again and shakes his head once more. "Never mind. I can see you're not about to give up on this. I should go."

"I don't see why I should have to give up on it," Steve says, aware that there's an air of belligerence in his voice. It's justified anyway; why should Danny have a say in his love-life anyhow? Unless Brad is some kind of con-man or criminal – which he's not – Danny has no right to tell Steve who to have a relationship with. 

Danny waves his hands at Steve. "You don't. You _don't_. It's not up to me anyway. Look, do what you want. All I ask is… think it through before you leap into anything. I… I don't want to…" He stops mid-sentence, like he's thinking better of saying whatever it is he doesn't want. "Never mind. Just… be happy, Steve." 

He's already heading away, and to Steve, it feels like goodbye. 

But he doesn't stop Danny from leaving.

~//~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve makes a decision, and things change rather more quickly than expected

As Steve goes back inside, Brad's coming down the stairs. "Did he go?"

Steve nods, a frown forming as he tries to comprehend what's so wrong with him getting together with Brad. So far only Kono's been alright with it.

"You okay?" Brad asks, "You look like you just broke up with your best friend."

Steve looks up sharply.

"Oh God… you did. For me? Jesus," Brad breathes out, pushing his hair back with one hand as the other grabs hold of the back of the couch for support. "This shouldn't be so-"

"Hard?" Steve finishes for him, blinking back the tears that are suddenly threatening.

Brad looks at him, worry in his eyes. "Yeah," he says softly.

Steve scratches an eyebrow, hooking a hand in his pocket, and tries to smile at Brad. "Hey, it's not so bad. Maybe your friends will like me. In Portland."

It's Brad's turn to blink. "You'd come there? You can't mean you'd give up your job; your life here?"

"I did it before," Steve tells him, "when I joined the Navy. And right now, it doesn't seem like I have anything here to stay for."

"I can't let you do that; not without thinking it through properly, at least." 

"I have thought about it," Steve tells him, mind made up. "I have some connections; if I can line up some meetings there, I could probably get a job-" Steve stops abruptly as he sees the look of pleased astonishment in Brad's eyes. He feels a surge of pleasure mixed in with the pain he's experiencing about losing Danny; that has to mean this is _right_ , no matter what he's giving up.

Because he'll be gaining some things too; Brad most of all.

~//~ 

It all happens pretty fast in the end: the next day Steve contacts someone he served with who moved to Portland to run his own security firm there, and is fortunate enough to time his call with the resignation of one of his old friend's senior staff members. His buddy Daryl offers him the job on the spot; it's a convenient answer for them both.

Steve resigns from Five-0 the following day, choosing to take severance pay instead of working out his notice; as it happens, they're going through something of a slump anyway, and there isn't a lot for all of them to do. Telling Kono and Chin is hard, but he gets through it, even explaining the truth of his situation – Kono knows most of it in any case – without feeling too embarrassed. They both wish him well, though he can see in their eyes how much they'll miss him: as much as he'll miss them, which is to say a hell of a lot.

And Danny… well, that's another story. He's there when Steve tells the others, but he doesn't offer congratulations on Steve's decision to move to Portland with Brad, or his new job; in fact he says nothing, merely meeting Steve's eyes with a disappointed look that speaks volumes, and then leaves Five-0 Headquarters for the day after uttering a lone sentence: "I have to collect Grace from school."

Kono wrinkles her brow in concern and looks at Steve. "What's going on with him? You'll stay in touch, won't you?" 

"Of course I will," Steve promises.

But he doesn't have a clue if that's how things will play out with Danny – and whether he should speak to him or not before he goes.

The flight to Portland is in two days, and while there's very little to do before then other than arrange to have the house rented out – a simple enough process that only takes half a day, as it turns out – Steve dithers about talking to Danny before he goes until it's nearly too late.

Two hours before they're due at the airport, he finds himself dialing Danny's number.

"Hey, I just… I wanted to say goodbye."

There's a brief silence before Danny speaks. "Good luck with everything." There's something in his voice that makes Steve think – for just one tiny moment – that maybe he's done what Danny warned him against and made his decision far too quickly, and without really thinking about what he's giving up.

"You know it might not be forever, Danny. And I'll come visit."

"Yeah? You do that, buddy."

A lump forms in Steve's throat and he finds himself saying something stupid. "I'll miss you."

"I just wish…" Danny starts, but he either can't or won't finish the sentence.

Steve's not sure he wants to know what Danny was going to say in any case; it's too hard to think about. "I have to give this a shot, Danny. I know you think this is a knee-jerk reaction to Catherine not taking it well, but… I don't know how to explain it to you. If you believed in love at first sight, maybe you'd understand better."

"You keep telling yourself that's what it is, Steve. But – and you probably don't think I have any right to say this – you can run away from your problems in the short term, but it doesn't fix them. They catch up with you in the end. I know from experience, believe me."

"I don't get it," Steve says, more confused than ever. "You're the one who told me I shouldn't try to 'fix' this. I may not have followed your advice exactly, but I'm not trying to fix things with Catherine any more. I'm… I'm following my heart; that's all." The last sentence isn't an easy one for Steve to express, but it's the truth, and it is something he needs to do. 

"Okay," Danny says, and Steve can almost imagine him frowning and nodding at the other end of the phone. "And when your heart tells you to move on again…"

"Don't do this, Danny. I was hoping that if I talked to you, this would be easier, but it's not."

"You're giving up on your home and ohana here pretty _easily_ , if you ask me."

Steve can feel his emotions churning and it's the last thing he needs. "It's not as _easy_ as you think, Danno. Look, I have to go now. I'll be in touch."

"Sure. Have a safe trip, and… enjoy it, for as long as it lasts."

Steve clicks off the call before he can say something he might regret. He's angry and disappointed at Danny implying that it's typical of Steve to rush into something foolish because he hasn't thought it through properly. He probably has done that a couple of times before – in Danny's eyes – but it doesn't make it wrong this time.

The flight out is hard, but Steve's with Brad, and while Brad and Catherine are still estranged, there is more hope for them to be reconciled than Steve feels for his own situation somehow, and not only with Catherine now.

~//~

After a couple of months in Portland, Steve's getting into life there pretty well, despite how he's left things with Danny and Catherine. It may have been the quickest decision he's ever made – to move there to be with Brad – but it seems like one of the best. Brad is easy to live with, fun to spend time with, and the sex is fantastic; the best ever. 

Steve's job is less exciting than Five-0 – 'less dangerous' he sometimes imagines hearing Danny say – but it's interesting enough; there are the occasional break-ins that the firm has to deal with, and Steve's background comes in handy when dealing with some of the people, not to mention interactions with the local police from time to time.

Brad teaches art at a local high school, and in his spare time works on some of his own art projects. He's talented, and Steve loves the pieces he has in his home – it's still not easy to think of the house as Steve's too; not yet, although since they've been getting on so well, he wonders if maybe they should buy something together that would be more 'theirs'. That may mean selling his parents' home in Hawaii though, and he's still a little reluctant to do that. 

And one other good thing appears to have happened: Catherine's thawing towards Brad.

Steve doesn't expect her to be ready to talk to _him_ any time soon, but he's happy about her talking to Brad again. He's been a little afraid that Danny was right and the only way the cousins will make up is if Steve walks away from Brad, so it's great to find that's not true.

Brad tells him the good news over dinner one night, and Steve feels something lift that he was barely even aware of sitting there, weighing him down. "That's great, babe. I'm glad she's finally coming around." He gets up from the table, moving around to offer Brad a congratulatory kiss.

After kissing him back, Brad pulls away enough to smile at Steve. "It's early days yet and it's obviously going to take time before we're as easy with each other as we were, but yeah… it's a start."

Steve starts to clear away the dishes. "I can understand that, but you've been so close for so long; it'll be okay eventually, won't it?"

Brad moves to help him and they take things through to the kitchen. "I think so…" Brad sighs, stacking plates in the dishwasher. "I just…"

"What?" Steve asks, handing him some glasses.

"She's still pretty angry with you; I can't see how we can ever go back to where we were until she forgives you. I mean, you're _my_ boyfriend now, and if she continues to hold a grudge against you – while forgiving me – then it's going to be pretty awkward if we ever get together in person again. I tried to talk to her about it, but she didn't want to know."

Steve winces, aware that they wouldn't be in this position if he hadn't come into Brad's life. It's odd to think how close he and Catherine were to getting married when he met Brad, and now he's living with Brad almost like they're the married couple. 

"I'm sorry," is all he can say.

Brad finishes wiping the counter and rinses his hands, drying them quickly before moving to embrace Steve. 

"It's as much my fault as yours, so you don't need to apologize to me," he says, pulling back to look into Steve's eyes. "That's the thing though; it was _both_ of us, not just you, so if she's going to forgive me, she should forgive you too. I'm not sure I can forgive _her_ if she doesn't see that."

"Cath's hurting more about me because it's the last thing she expected from her straight boyfriend," Steve guesses. "You're her favourite cousin and she knew you were gay, so you finding another man attractive shouldn't have been a surprise. But me… well, I think I get it." Steve's arms are still loosely around Brad as they look at each other, and he's filled with a sense of pride that Brad takes this so seriously – that his sense of justice is so well-developed – considering how much he must miss Cath's friendship. "She's not a cruel person, Brad, and I didn't expect this to be easy for her, but… we'll get there; it's just going to take time."

Brad nods, and then leans in to kiss Steve one more time. "What about you and Danny? I hate that this – you and I being together – seems to have ruined your friendship too. Do you regret moving here with me?"

Steve disengages from Brad gently and heads into the living room. Brad follows as Steve says, "I'm not sure what happened with Danny in all honesty – or if we’ll be anything like the friends we were – but I don’t regret moving here. I love being with you; living with you. And Portland's nice."

They sit down together on the couch and Steve takes Brad's hand, studying the back of it for a moment before looking into Brad's eyes. 

"Your work isn't as exciting," Brad says, dropping his own eyes to look at their joined hands. "I'm sorry I took you away from doing a job you loved."

"Hey." Steve squeezes Brad's hand, and smiles when Brad looks up. "I like what I'm doing with Daryl and the team. Okay, so they're not exactly 'ohana' yet, but they're good people, and we have exciting moments. And maybe… maybe it's time I stopped getting into some of those dangerous situations Danny was always claiming were going to be the death of me anyway. Especially now I have someone I love to come home to." He realizes as he says this that it's true; he loves Brad more than he ever loved Cath – not that what they had was bad; it just wasn't as strong as this.

He suddenly becomes conscious that Brad is looking at him wide-eyed. "What?"

"I never thought…" Brad says, biting at his lip and looking close to tears. "I love you too. I didn't expect to hear those words from you – not so soon, anyway."

While they have both said they were 'in love' with each other before they left Hawaii, they've never actually said the words 'I love you' in that way to each other since. 

Steve still hasn't exactly said the words now, but Brad's obviously heard them, nonetheless. There's a part of Steve that's been waiting for those three words from Brad as well, though he wasn't truly aware of it until now. He squeezes the hand he's holding again and uses his other hand to cup Brad's jaw, bringing their faces close enough to kiss.

This time, the kiss is soft and full of the love that's been between the lines of everything they've said and done since that fateful day when they first met. The kiss goes on for some time; until finally Steve has to draw back to take in air.

He wonders if Cath will ever forgive him, and if Danny will eventually face the feelings that have pushed him away from their friendship. Steve knows he probably needs to come to that party too, but whatever was hidden behind the things Danny said to Steve in their last interactions will have to lie where they are for now – it hasn't been the time for obscured meanings to be unmasked, and it probably won't be for some time yet – but there will come a time when the truth will out; it always does.

In the meantime, Steve thinks as he draws his lover near once more, he's not going to push the good that he knows he and Brad can have together away in fear of it turning bad; he deserves more – they both do – and he's finally willing to allow himself the chance to enjoy it, no matter how long – or short – it lasts.

And in the end, he feels able to acknowledge that it's all anyone should do.

~//~ 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading and commenting or leaving kudos! I appreciate you taking the time to give this a chance, considering it isn't McDanno! ;-)
> 
> It kinda feels like a sequel is in order, because I'm not happy about Steve leaving his friendship with Danny so broken, but I won't promise any speed on getting to that story. I hope my readers can appreciate that, and I apologise in advance if you're hoping that it will happen soon - but you never know what the muses will provide! ;-)


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